How to Be Cool in High School When You're Not

In high school...I was a nerd. I can say it. It takes a big person to admit it. Unfortunately it took me many years and a number of life-changing events before I could look back and simply accept that it is what I was. However another, more enlightening, realization was that it wasn't who I was. There is a difference.

For most teens out there, being pigeon holed into a stereotype is a way of life. Your friends define you. How others perceive you quickly becomes how you perceive yourself. Even when you despise what it is that your friend's perceptions have turned you into, whether it's a ditzy cheerleader, a pot-head, a "jock", a "freak", or a nerd - you take those reactions and suggestions, internalize them, and as a result you come to believe that what your friends and even your bullies believe about you must be true. It doesn't take long...typically as quickly as halfway through Freshman year - to become a stereotype. And in high school - a stereotype becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. But it doesn't have to be. The stereotype is what you are - not who you are.

American Heritage defines "Individuality" as:

"The aggregate of qualities and characteristics that distinguish one person or thing from others; character: choices that were intended to express his individuality; monotonous towns lacking in individuality."

In other words - a stereotype is what makes you part of a collective group. Whether you're a cheerleader, a brain, you excel in sports, or all of the above - those classifications are what you are. However, your individuality is what makes you unique - it's what makes you different.

Who you are defines your individuality. It's what sets you apart from the crowd. As a teenager in high school - every person goes through a trial-by-fire...and this trial will define you for the rest of your life. It will define how you view yourself, and this image - or self esteem - is very difficult to change later on in life short of spending a great deal of money on counseling.

Obviously it's best to take it on when you're there - on the battleground. So what do you do to escape becoming pigeon holed into a clique?

Ralph Waldo Emerson once wrote:

"Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail."

The wisdom within that quote is not that it is a new or unique concept - but it remains one of the most difficult pieces of wisdom to understand and follow.

When you accept what others believe about you to be a self-evident truth, a part of you dies. When we are born, and are little children, we have all of these individual parts that define us and make us who we are. It may be a love for music, or a brilliant ability to form patterns and shapes. It may even be a natural inclination for the written word - a love of the rhythm and flow of sentences and the wonder and excitement of a new story.

As you get pigeon holed into a clique or a subgroup...those parts that make up what you love, and dream, and are inspired by, start to die one at a time. These parts are lost because we allow them to be destroyed so that we can "fit in" to a group that provides us protection and comfort. The group lets us feel as though at least we belong to "something" and are not all alone in this world.

There are some kids, however, who never learn to fit into any group. They feel as though they are outcasts or loners - part of a world where they have no place and no purpose. This is the culture of high school - and this is what it does to each and every one of us.

The irony is this. After leaving high school - outcasts rule the world.

Albert Einstein once said:

"He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would fully suffice."

It takes courage, bravery, and character to be an outcast. It also takes great intelligence, and it takes nerve. That's why there are so few true revolutionaries in the world today.

Einstein himself was an outcast. By age 26, Einstein had not earned his doctorate, nor was he accepted in the physics "establishment". When Einstein entered the field of physics, he did so as an outsider. He had no academic position and he had no reputation. This allowed Einstein to take risks, to reach higher than others did, and to think way outside of the box. He had nothing to lose.

Martin Luther King Jr, one of the most important Civil Rights leaders who ever lived, and certainly the one who served as a catalyst, ultimately, of freedom for African Americans - was also an outcast.

Martin Luther King Jr. was born on January 15, 1929 in Atlanta, Georgia. His father was a pastor and his mother was a teacher. As a child, like other small black children, Martin Luther King Jr witness being shunned for his looks. As the story goes - when he was six years old, two of his white friends were not allowed to play with him anymore. The parents of his friends didn't want their children to play with a child of a different color. As were other African American children - he was called names and taunted because of his skin color. However - MLK was one of those rare souls who took the pain and torment of being an outcast and harnessed it into an overwhelming force of individuality and charisma...he turned being an outcast into an advantage, rather than a handicap. He had nothing to lose.

It might even surprise some folks to learn that even famous entertainers such as Lucille Ball, Tom Hanks, and even Julia Roberts were all extremely shy when they were younger.

It is in the seemingly insignificant and menial trials of high school - the teasing, bullying, drama, and the relentless class system - that develops character and builds the leaders in our society.

So the way to survive the most difficult and troubling period in most folk's lives, is to not only accept the position of "outcast" - but to embrace it and be thankful for it. The only way to conquer the world is to remain apart from it - to rise above it.

So the next time you are standing in the hallway doing your best to impress the girl you've had your eye on since you first arrived at school, and the bully slams his shoulder into your back as he walks by - just smile and remember: some day you will be the CEO with the Rolls-Royce and a private secretary, while this bully who is enjoying his status and power within this tiny social construct called "high school", before long will find himself working as one of your employees, for minimum wage, and begging you for a raise.

In the end - the most satisfying retribution will be your own personal success. Years later, at the high school reunion, when you see the star quarterback and the beautiful cheerleader - now both fifty pounds overweight, with five children and living in a trailer - you will have the last laugh.