How to Cope with Aging Parents:

With improvements being made in medicine and the aging of the baby boom generation, the nation's population of people 65 or older is expected to double by the year 2030.

Today, 44 percent of Americans between the ages of 45 and 55 have both living parents and children younger than 21. In fact, 22 million Americans are caring for parents or older relatives, according to the AARP, the Association for the Advancement of Retired People.

But it can be difficult to care for your elderly parent. A Vermont woman recently was charged with murdering her mother and having her son dispose of his grandmother's body. When asked why, the woman replied her mother was a "drag". Jeanne Sevigny and her son, Kevin Sevigny, had been caring in their home for her mother, Mary Wilcox, who was a 78-year-old victim of Alzheimer disease.

In a separate case, a plea hearing recently was held for one of two teens charged with elder abuse at a nursing home in Albert Lea, Minn., after an investigative report by the Minnesota Department of Health concluded that four teenagers had abused 15 nursing home residents from January through May 2008. The trial for the other charged teen is scheduled for April 2010.

Whether it be caring for your aging parents within your home, worrying about the care they would or are receiving in a skilled nursing facility, or coming to terms with a terminal medical diagnosis, coping with aging parents is a complex issue.

1 Recognize their strengths.

Today's older adults, individuals in their 80s and 90s, grew up in an era marked by the Great Depression and World War II, resulting in a generation that is tenacious, frugal and insistently independent. All of these traits offer the stamina to persevere through the final stage of life, and offer great opportunities to educate today's youth.

Encourage your elderly parent to share their life's learning in various volunteer roles, such as teaching, nurturing, crafting or fundraising for a social or political cause.

And not only do today's older adults have much to give, but they still have a strong desire to learn. Nurture their quest for continued growth through adult education classes offered at community colleges, senior centers or hospitals.

Encourage their health and vitality with appropriate age-related physical activity or sports. Every aging adult has a contribution to make, no matter their physical or mental capacity.

For caretakers of Alzheimer patients, elicit their help with everyday tasks such as folding clothes, dusting or even creating a family scrapbook. Encouraging their participation is beneficial to their sense that they are a part of a larger whole - your family unit - and can help them maintain a sense of routine.

2 Make a plan.

Open up dialog about your parent's caretaking. Initially this may be difficult, as many of today's aging parents have lived with the philosophy that mum's the word when it comes to discussing personal matters such as health, finances or even what to do in the event of their death.

A gentle reminder that you are ensuring their future happiness, health and safety may be needed. Some topics to include are living arrangements, ways for your parents to maintain their independence, drawing up a living will, what financial or insurance benefits are available for their care and what are their wishes for funeral and burial arrangements.

Be open about your what your ideas are on how they should be cared for and what your capability and willingness is to help them out. Can you assist with monthly skilled facility payments? Provide a visiting nurse? Offer them residence within your home?

Recognize that your idea of what is best for your parents may not coincide with what they feel is best for them. Remember, as long as your parent is mentally competent to make decisions for themselves, you can not force them to do otherwise. Learning to live with their parents decisions is a key task many adult children struggle with when it comes to coping with their aging
parents.

3 Seek out resources.

The Department of Health and Human Service's Elder Care Web site (see Resources for links) is a good place to start. Here you can find local programs for transportation, meals, care facilities, support groups and more.

Also, check out the AARP's site for a comprehensive list of Internet resources and topics that concern people age 50 and older.

Another resource is Hospice, an organization that assists patients and families dealing with life-threatening illnesses. Many people make the mistake of waiting until the final weeks or days of a loved one's life before contacting Hospice. But Hospice can assist both patients and family from the initial diagnosis through the physical and emotional turmoil that exists in between, to the grieving that ensues after a parent's death.

4 Take care of yourself.

Remember that seeking out resources does not just apply to your aging parents, it refers to you, too! Taking time to tend to your mental, emotional and physical needs is vital. The best way to care and cope with your aging parent is to take care of yourself.

Seek help through a support group, a therapist or even a friend willing to lend a helping hand or sympathetic ear.

Equally, it may be worthwhile to invest in a health concierge, a professional who provides health-related solutions and personal assistance to improve the quality of life for both families and aging parents.

Caring for aging parents can be taxing physically, emotionally and financially; recognize your limitations and be willing to ask for help.

5 Remember your role in the relationship.

Although you may still be your parent's child, in essence your role has changed. From assisting in daily care to helping make difficult medical decisions or offering financial support, whatever the role, you now are your parent's caretaker.

Part of the aging process for older adults is to find value in the life they have lived. Having a life partner, raising children and developing a occupational role are life tasks by which most people measure their life satisfaction.

Some aging parents can accept their life's work, both accomplishments and failures, with pride, while others may have a sense of failure or inadequacy for goals not met or relationships not nurtured.

As your parent's adult child, you can assist in providing validation to the life they have lived. Reminiscing about family memories or the "old days" and keeping them in touch with other family members, friends or co-workers are a few ways to do this.

Source: Net