How to Cope with Bullies at the Elementary School Level

When our daughter Glory was in first grade, she began to complain that she did not want to get on the school bus, sometimes even wanting to stay home from school. At first she would not admit why, but when I persisted, she told me the other kids were teasing and bullying the younger ones, as well as herself. A certain group of children took turns being the victim and joining the other tormentors. Glory was unsure about whether she fitted in or when she might become the next victim.

My husband and I encouraged our daughter to discuss the problem at length. This alone was a great release to her. We assured her that most people have trouble with bullies sometimes in their lives and this, too, seemed to make her feel better. She had truly believed she was the only one who had ever been afraid. It took some time, but eventually Glory became less and less intimidated by the bullies on the bus.

If your child is troubled by a bully at school, here is some advice:

1. Try to explain to your child why other kids act mean. If your child can see the bully as someone whose parents are getting divorced or who has a big brother who beats him up regularly at home, you are taking the bully off the pedestal of awe and amazement where the child has placed him. But do not ask your child to forgivable lease. Your child has anger for an appropriate reason, and you want him or her to be able to use that anger in finding the best way to handle a bully.

2. Never brush off an incident as unimportant. Children may tell you that an experience was "not a big deal" because they do not want to admit they were afraid. You can make it easier for them to acknowledge their fears if you say, for example, "If that happened to me, I would have been afraid."

3. What about fighting? Your own attitudes about fighting will govern what you tell your children. We told our daughter that she probably should not fight about something unless it was really important to her. If it means a lot, fight for it; but do not fight for silly reasons.

4. Remind your child that there are times when it is appropriate to run away. You can reassure your child by telling them that they are not being cowards by running away from a bigger child. In fact, it is the smart thing to do.

5. Don't rush to intervene. If your child has a problem with a bully, ask if he or she wants your help. If the answer is no, keep asking regularly to see how the problem is going. If you finally believe that you or someone else should intervene in the situation, tell your child what you plan to do beforehand.

Sources:

Our personal experiences with local elementary school bullies
http://www.focusas.com/Bullying.html
http://www.lisadunningmft.com/solutions_to_school_bullying_child_bullied_article.htm
http://christian-parent.com/stop-bullying/