How to Cope with a Jealous Partner

You're late getting home. The boss asked you to drop off a package and then traffic on the freeway was backed up due to an accident. You finally drag through the door and the first words you hear are: "Where have you been? Why are you so late?" Not "How was your day, dear? Or, "You looked tired. Come sit down."

The last thing you want to deal with is an inquisition over an hour's time. But yet, here you are, being quizzed over being late, like some teenager slipping in past her curfew.

Dealing with constant jealousy is a strain no marriage or relationship can withstand forever. Sooner or later, it just flat out becomes old. You get sick of it. It's one thing to have feelings of jealousy occasionally. We all are guilty of that. An ex-girlfriend or boyfriend calls, and the green-eyed monster raises her head. But common sense normally steps in to remind us that the key thing to remember is the ex part. We all have had past relationships. They are a part of life.

But the way you deal with a jealous partner in the beginning of the relationship will pay a huge bearing on the partner's attitude later on. Sure, it made you feel special at first when he jokingly made remarks about the next door neighbor staring at you. You liked the way he held on possessively to your arm and didn't want you to talk to anyone but him. A little of that might be okay in the beginning of a relationship, but be very careful. There are some warning signs to watch for to help you identify an overly possessive person.

Insecurity is a huge red flag. If your partner is insecure, he or she may become very possessive. They may accuse you of something, then lay on the "I'm just so afraid of losing you" line. Or the "I can't stand the thought of anyone else looking at you." These kinds of remarks are clearly indications of insecurity. You can assure them of your love and loyalty, but you need to let them know up front that you don't like jealousy. The best way to handle the subject is to be blunt, and the quicker, the better. Have an honest, yet firm approach to the partner's jealousy. Tell him or her you love them, but you don't like being made to feel guilty over talking to someone or coming home late. This puts a strain on the relationship and takes away from the love and trust that must be a part of any relationship that you commit to.

Aggressiveness or bullying is another thing to watch for. Never stay in a relationship if you are afraid of the other person. The behavior usually only gets worse. The jealousy doesn't go away; it just beats you down until you are afraid to speak or look at anyone. The sooner you can get out of this kind of relationship, the better off you will be. But beware, these types may not like anyone "getting away from them."

Don't ignore jealous behavior. Address the issue openly and reasonably. Your partner may feel he has legitimate reasons to be jealous. He may feel that you are being too friendly with your co-worker or the neighbor. Talk calmly and listen to his reasons for being jealous. Don't laugh them off. They are serious to him. If you truly love him, you will do everything in your power to make your relationship work. So sweep jealousy away before it can erode away the feelings of love and leave only a dusty trail of regret.