How to Cope with a Long Distance Relationship When You Are Engaged

My husband and I spent the year before our wedding on two separate continents. We therefore only spent the actual last minute lead up to our wedding closer together as an engaged couple. So we did not do the usual "engaged couple" things together, such as shopping for wedding rings or the dress. I did not even see my engagement ring until a week before my wedding! Looking back, I do not regret my long distance relationship because it turned out for the best. I married my husband and we are no longer apart from one another. However, not every couple will be able to endure a long distance relationship. This article will look at the ingredients needed to create a successful long distance relationship when a couple are engaged.

Committed or not?

For any couple contemplating a long distance relationship, they will really need to look at their relationship and see if it is serious enough to continue pursuing. For the person who is moving to another part of the country or abroad to study or work, what are their thoughts about the move? How long will they be gone for? Is this a permanent move? Do they love their partner? Is marriage really a goal? These are just some of the questions that will need to be discussed. Couples who choose to "see how it goes" are not really demonstrating that they are committed to the long term survival of their relationship. Doubts may linger and they are then expressed by these non-committal words. The truth is that if the couple are in a solid relationship, they will not have to "see how it goes" at all. They already know that the relationship has a future and that they want to get married at the right time.

Keeping in touch

Engaged couples who are apart will need to communicate in more detail than couples who are close by. Communication takes on a whole new different meaning when you are apart! When you are face to face with your fiance(e), you do not need to express everything because you can make use of extra linguistic features, such as nodding the head in agreement, shaking the head when you disagree and so on. But when you are apart, you will need to explain things in more detail. You literally have to become the "eyes" and "ears" of your partner, as you share your everyday experiences with them. This can help to bring you closer together as a couple. It is a good idea to keep in regular contact. Phone calls, e-mail and snail mail will help to keep each of you up to date with what has been going on. It is also comforting to read letters that you can keep later on and re-read. Try to schedule times to talk on the phone, so that you can have something to look forward to. It is the same as when you go out on a date when you live near one another. It is nice to have a trip to look forward to together. It is the same with phone calls when you are apart. When we were engaged, these were our "dates" and we enjoyed the short periods of time we would spend together in this way. You can too.

Disagreements

Just because you are in a long distance relationship it does not mean you will not disagree! Just try not to do so over the phone when emotions may be running high. If you disagree, think about the issues raised and try to write about them in a letter. This will help you collect your thoughts more easily and you are more likely to be calm by the time you have sent the letter. Try to resolve the problem quickly so that it does not fester, and then move on. It is that simple. Do not ruin your long distance relationship over a petty squabble. Of course, if it is a serious issue that you cannot forgive, then end the relationship. It is better to be aware of your partner's bad traits before marriage rather than afterwards.

Trust

When you are in a long distance relationship you are able to develop greater trust in your partner. If you have a solid relationship to begin with, then it will be easy to trust one another once you are apart. You will not worry about someone else coming along and ruining what you have. I am not saying this cannot happen, because it can. But it is less likely to occur in a relationship where both are committed to the survival of the relationship and on into their future marriage.

Rings

A man may buy his finacee an engagement ring prior to the move or nearer the date of the wedding. But in either case, talk about what the ring will look like. I sent my husband lots of magazines that featured a variety of rings. I would circle the rings I liked, make detailed comments on things I liked about them and what I wanted added or taken away. From what I told him, my husband came up with the right ring. He also took care of the wedding rings by himself and I trusted him with that.

The future

Engaged couples who live apart do not intend to stay apart indefinitely. Long distance relationships can survive for one year and even longer. But they are not going to survive forever. There comes a time when a couple will need to make changes to their relationship. Either partner will have to move so that they can get married and then settle down together in one spot. If the move was only temporary and one of the partners will be returning in a year or so, then all the better. Plans can be made in the home location. This will involve taking care of new living arrangments, if necessary, and where to hold the wedding. So think about it carefully before you take the plunge. Do you think you and your fiance(e) can survive a long distance relationship? If you do, it will really build a good foundation for your future happiness in marriage.