How to Cope with Loss

Dealing with loss and separation is an inevitable part of life. Whether it is the loss of a job, a home, a beloved pet or a loved one, we've all faced some form of loss in our lives. A few months ago, I was asked to participate in the Helping to Heal Retreat held in White Plains, NY. The retreat gave participants the opportunity to share their personal experiences of grief and loss in an open, supportive environment.

Truth be told, I didn't want to attend. I didn't want to stare down the ugly monster of grief and loss, looking it straight in the eyes with trembling knees and sweaty palms. Instead, I wanted to crawl under the covers like a frightened little girl who is terrified of a dragon hiding in her bedroom closet. Death is a scary and weighty issue. It's a part of life which we often block out by filling our days with busyness and ambition.

Oftentimes, we don't experience the beauty hidden in life's brevity. There is a limit to our life span, but not a limit on the depth of love and kindness we can experience through caring for another human being. We can maximize our lives by living with this in mind. There is a gift of precious urgency that death gives us. When we are fully conscious of life's fleeting nature, we have more focus, clarity, and a desire to live boldly, without reservation. We don't want to waste the sand in the hourglass. Our awareness of our own mortality becomes this hushed tune playing inside the soul, reminding us that time is limited. Take time to dance along with the unique rhythm life gives you. Breath it in, feel it speak to you and follow where it leads, unafraid.

A special person in my life died several years ago. I knew her for less than two years and she quickly became a second mother to me. She knew how to fully connect with life and people. She was funny, open, compassionate, and present in the moment. She didn't hold back or shrink away from life, she embraced it. She inspired me to become fully engaged in my existence-to live, love, and play. Her depth of love reshaped my journey through life. She was a teacher to my soul. She taught me how to hear the hushed tune of slipping time and listen, not run away or hide, but to accept it with a surrendered will, an open heart. I found glimmers of peace resting inside the outstretched hand of acceptance. Something inside felt lighter yet more determined to fully live. And all of this occurred because of one beautiful life that intersected with mine.

During the retreat, I thought about these things-the legacy we leave behind, the lives we influence, the hearts we touch. We enter the world with nothing in our hands, no presents to give, no tangible things to offer anyone. We can only offer ourselves, our being, our spirit, our essence to those around us. This is the most valuable gift we can share. It makes me think of holding my beloved's hand, sharing laughter, a tender kiss, a sweet hug from a child. These are the real gifts. It's not about the length of our lives, but the priceless love gifts we offer and accept from those around us.

In the New Testament of the Bible there is a beautiful verse about love: "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear...(I John, 4:18) I think this verse encapsulates how life should be lived, unrestricted, with abandon, fearlessly. In this place of freedom we can practice real living. Fear of death, of loss, of rejection, of scary unexpected turns in life, no longer hold us hostage.

If you decide to live inside this wonderful place of freedom, when your last breath comes you will be so filled up by the love you have received and given, you can hold no more. You have listened and danced to your soul's rhythm, ready to return to the Source of Love, the Loving Creator of all things.