How to Cope with the Loss of a Loved One

I'm not sure anyone can fully recover from the loss of someone so close, so dear, so important to their lives. I've heard of many folks who simply convince themselves that their loved ones are in a better place. This gives these people the validation, strength and fortitude to continue on with their lives as if nothing happened. However, given the circumstances which lead to the death of their mother, father, son, daughter, brother or sister or even a grandparent, those feelings may differ.

Let's take a look at the overall reaction to the murder of a loved one. There are people who believe a murderer should not be given the same punishment for which they were accused. A death does not justify a death in their eyes. However, there are many passionate people who want to see a murderer die in an electric chair or a gas chamber. In their hearts, is this an act of vengeance or is it "justice"?

If you know how it feels to lose someone so dear to you, you know that the execution of your loved one's executioner can fill that hollow feeling in your heart, at least for a brief moment. And given my own personality study into the human psyche, it feels even more filling if you can be the hand of justice. Granted, in today's society, that's becoming more and more rare. But, the feeling those victims have while watching the murderer cook or bleed out and die is the same basic feeling they would have if they did it themselves. It's a strange human nature that leaves us feeling so painful over the death of one person, and so vicious and cold over the death of another person.

Now, let's look at our reaction to an accidental death. If your husband, wife, son, daughter, mother or daughter were hit by a car, you'll probably be stunned at first. Then, it's quite possible that you'll be feeling the same rage over their accidental death that you would feel if they were murdered as discussed above. It would feel like an injustice. You might go to the hearing of that driver to watch him or her get their just deserve. You might be outraged if they were handed a sentence where they don't get prison time. That's probably not going to happen in today's society. But, you never know.

How about an accidental death that has absolutely no one to blame? The shock over a death is universal. We can not imagine losing someone who we care so deeply for. The world doesn't even feel like the same as it did while that person was alive. At first, it's hard to feel anything. Everything tastes and smells dull. That's the initial shock you're experiencing. Then, the next stage of grief sets in. Now, the world seems completely different. It's like you're experiencing the world for the first time. Given your relationship with the deceased, you might not even remember basic skills. I can't properly describe why this happens. It's just a part of human nature. We can't change it. We can't fight it. And in those times, when our world has flipped upside down, we shouldn't have to change how we feel at all.

If you found your sister or brother, father or mother, son or daughter dead from a fall, you feel that injustice as described above. Someone or something has robbed you of that person you hold so dear. You can't see anything or anyone who may be responsible. The Invisible Man himself is not even there. It is just a terrible happenstance that has deeply wounded you and taken away a person who you know so well. You can't help but feel like someone has thrust a knife into your heart and every day after that feels like that person is twisting the blade. Luckily, if you can get the murderer or person responsible for that loved one's death their just deserve, anger or hate seems to dull the pain. Or maybe it's just redirecting those feelings.

Those painful feelings are still there. Once the person who caused your loved one's demise is gone, everything still doesn't seem quite right. You still feel hollow. Your house still feels empty. It's like becoming an alcoholic to escape the pain of your loss. No matter what, you can not drink away what happened. Your memories will still be there. And, those darn memories always seem to cause us further misery.

That old chair you remember watching your mother or father rocking back and forth in is not moving anymore. Those toys you thought were the most annoying toys in the world, because your son or daughter would play with them constantly are silent now. Even those times at the grocery store when you were so annoyed with your mother or father, brother or sister, son or daughter can be a source of great despair.

Because your loved one told a memorable joke, said something outrageous or given you cause to lash out, you won't forget it. It's just a flash of memory in your mind. But that memory feels so real, and then, it's gone. For some reason, when a person has passed away, all of their indiscretions in life, all of the things you couldn't stand are now trivial and they almost seem rewarding to look back on.

Now, I have tried to find as much information as I can on the subject of coping with loss of a loved one. I myself have gone through these pains. I know my reactions all too well now. If you remember, I went into great detail about my grandmother and her struggle with Alzheimer's.

For some reason, when a disease slowly takes that person you love away, it's not as much of an injustice or shock when that person finally passes on. If you know the disease is fatal when it's first diagnosed, that's when the initial shock kicks in. That's when you feel the real pain. After that, you're just trying to keep your loved one comfortable and spend as much time with them as you've got left. Then, you can't help but feel like its best for your husband or wife, son or daughter, mother or father when they draw that final breath. That loved one is no longer feeling any pain. It's a relief for them. However, those darn memories are still giving you cause to hurt.

I know where you're at. I know how you're struggling to cope. It's like no one understands. It's like you're the loneliest person in the world. But you're really not. Ignore the platitudes. Some people never really know how you're feeling at this moment. To some degree, it's up to you to sum up the courage and help yourself get through the pain. However, I don't want anyone to feel the loneliness that I felt after the deaths of my loved ones. It's not fair to you to go through the pain alone. There are websites, there are counseling sessions, there are plenty of other places for you to find the help you need to cope.

Here are just a few websites you can go to for more information and the help you need.

HeathyPlace.com

concernedcounseling.com

HelpGuide.com

PsychologyToday.com

CaringInfo.org

TalkLife.com

LifeScript.com

CrisisCounseling.com

JourneyofHearts.org

Griefnet.org