How to Correct a Bad First Impression

This is my first article for Associated Content, hopefully the first of many. It's become something of a cliché that first impressions are critical. Various sources confidently assert that most of a person's opinion of you is formed with the first three seconds, ten seconds, or five minutes. Understandably, it's difficult to actually do research on this in a formal setting, but the point is quite clear: first impressions matter.

There's a lot of reasonably good information out there on how to make a good first impression. Eye contact, body language, and attire are frequently mentioned as key elements of a good first impression, and since humans are primarily visual creatures, it makes sense that most first impression cues would be visual.

The first impression, however long it takes, makes a lot of sense in an anthropological context. We lead busy lives; we don't have time to get to know each person we meet. Evaluating someone based on their appearance, demeanour, and speech is an imperfect, but often quite accurate, tool for figuring out whether someone is worth "getting to know." Obviously, it's not going to be perfectly accurate, all the time. But, on average, first impressions tend to be more accurate than random guessing, and evolutionary biology is all about being better than random.

Of course, even if you're very well informed about how and why first impressions matter, it's easy to get it wrong, and to make a bad first impression. Assuming you've already done so, how do you recover? Naturally, that depends on three variables: what your goals are with that person, how bad your first impression was, and what opportunities you have to interact with that person again. I'll deal with each of these in turn.

VARIABLES

In a modern society, we interact with an unprecedented number of people in an unprecedented variety of contexts and modes of communication. We are optimized to handle face-to-face interactions with, at most, a couple of hundred different people. In the past week, I've interacted with people in person, on the phone, via instant messaging and texting, through e-mail, through regular mail, and through an intermediary. I've met people of vastly different ages, backgrounds, and interests. I simply don't have time to pursue every possible interaction with all of these people. I must decide, very quickly after meeting someone, what kind of relationship I want to pursue. Do I want a new friend? A romantic partner? A social acquaintance? A business associate?

For each of these scenarios, the first impression I attempt to make is quite different. I wouldn't interact with a teacher or potential employer in the same way I would interact with a peer. If I've made a bad first impression, I have to quickly define what my goal is with the relationship. If I perform badly in a job interview, I will likely never have a chance to speak with the interviewer again. If I accidentally offend a classmate, I'll see the person again every day we have class together, and each of those days is a chance to improve on that first impression. Often, it's important to readjust your goals with regard to the person; if I flirt badly with someone, then I may no longer have the opportunity to pursue a romantic relationship, but I may still be able to create a friendship.

On the other hand, if the first impression was bad enough, I may not be able to salvage any kind of relationship. Once, as a university student, I was assigned to a group project with one other guy and one girl. I started talking to the girl, and we got along quite well. It took me a couple days to figure out that they were a couple, and that he was quite protective of her. I had offended him without intending to, and we weren't on good terms for the rest of the semester. That may seem like a trivial example, but it contains a valuable lesson: what you find offensive may be quite different from what someone else finds offensive.

If the negative first impression is fairly mild, it's often easy to overcome. In high school, I didn't get along well with a few students who I later encountered in university. With a couple of years between us and the bad first impression, we were quickly able to get along, and we remain friends to this day. Sometimes waiting a while before correcting a first impression can be very helpful, as in this case. In most cases, though, it's best to correct as quickly as possible.

As a teenager, I spent a weekend in Montreal, visiting a friend. He brought along two people he knew, and despite the fact that I was feeling tired and under the weather, I agreed to join them. All weekend, I was unable to match the group's energy level, and I came off as dull and uninteresting. At the end, I stayed in touch with one of my new friends; I was able to correct that negative first impression, and we're now quite close. I never spoke to the other again, but I'm told that she still occasionally mentions that I'm a boring person. The difference was that I was able to stay in touch with one, and display my personality more completely over a longer period of time. First impressions are easiest to reverse when frequent contact is maintained. If you see a person often, you have a lot of time in which to act. If not, then it's generally far more difficult.

ACTION

So much for a theoretical understanding of how first impressions work. Assuming you've actually made a bad first impression, how can you correct it?

If your first impression wasn't very bad, then it can generally be corrected just by interacting with the person as much as possible and displaying your personality more fully. Coming across as awkward or timid isn't an irreversible problem; assuming you have the chance to interact with the person again, you can just make a conscious effort to display whatever traits you intend on displaying. If your first impression wasn't that bad, then it's frequently helpful to act as if it in fact went very well; act friendly and open towards a person you're concerned you may have offended, behave in a professional and optimistic manner towards a boss you don't get along with, or assume the potential romantic partner you've irritated is actually slightly interested in you.

If your first impression was considerably worse, then it may be a good idea to apologize in person. Demonstrate that you aren't really all that bad. Offer some evidence that you're really a very friendly person (or professional, or talented, and so on) without actually bragging. Suggest another meeting with the person you've offended, and use it to demonstrate that you aren't really that bad. It may no longer be possible to meet your original goal, but in most cases you should be able to at least bring the relationship back to neutral territory.

A lot of your action will depend on how you can interact with this person. If you see him or her on a regular basis, use that as an opportunity to reverse the bad first impression. If you use instant messages or text, that can often be a good way to convey positive information about yourself, and it gives you time to think carefully about what you're saying. Telephones also offer a good opportunity to convey information strictly through your tone of voice and actual content; you don't need to worry about body language or appearance on the phone. The general rule for modes of communication is this: the more information conveyed, the more effective it will be, but the harder you will have to try. Face-to-face interaction is best for conveying information about yourself, and you can make a good impression very quickly in person, but your appearance, body language, voice tone, and voice content all matter. E-mailing uses only content, but it's harder to make a good impression that way. It's also harder to make a mistake through e-mail.

CONCLUSION

First impressions are incredibly complex; a huge amount of information is conveyed, evaluated, and categorized in a very short period of time. There are no hard and fast rules for making someone appreciate you, or for getting along. Just as you can't learn to ride a bike from a book, you must actually exercise your social skills to improve them. This goes for all learning; the human brain learns fastest and retains most when you're actually doing the task you're training for, whether it's a competitive sport or a math class. Hopefully, the guidelines in this article will help you reverse a negative first impression, but remember that it's ultimately up to you.

I'd love to hear your comments on this article, your experiences with first impressions, and your opinion of the guidelines offered here. Hopefully, I'll have more articles up soon.

Steven Richardson, "How to Correct a Bad First Impression", Associated Content