How to Create a Fabulous Bruno Halloween Costume

Many people have dreamed of being Austria's most glamorous fashionista, Bruno. Through his groundbreaking TV show Funkyzeit, Bruno has inspired millions to improve their outer selves and embrace their inner anorexic. Bruno has worn and, in fact, pioneered many fashions, so you'll have many options from which to choose when piecing together your Bruno Halloween costume.

Here are some suggested elements you may wish to incorporate into your fabulous Halloween outfit:

Funky Hairstyles
There are two hairstyles that are distinctively Bruno-- the golden-bleached, page boy haircut he wears in his remarkable new film, and the blonde-highlighted fauxhawk he previously sported on Funkyzeit. The fauxhawk itself would, of course, be easy to emulate using some brush-in blonde color and styling gel. For a decent page boy cut, I'd suggest you go to a hairdresser you trust with a picture of Bruno's fantastic hair (such as this one) for reference.

Glamorous Tops
The only hard-and-fast rule here is that your top cannot be made out of a boring material and it cannot be baggy. Here are some fabric characteristics to be on the lookout for:

• Iridescence
• Metallic texturing
• Transparency
• Crepeiness
• Animal print patterning
• Any other extremely bold and/or colorful pattern

You can consider wearing a mesh top under almost any top, particularly ones that are either short-sleeved or have low-cut necklines. An interestingly-patterned but otherwise bland top can be improved by cutting off the sleeves. Cut-off, lace-up tops will particularly evoke Bruno's younger days as a correspondent for Da Ali G Show.

Fabulous Pants
Bruno's pants are what really bring his outfits together. Roughly the same rules go for pants as go for tops, though it is easier to effectively use plain colors for pants than it is in the case of tops. If you have any white leather pants that are nice and loose around the ankles (for the production of an alluring swishing effect while walking), they should go with pretty much anything.

Regardless of whether or not your chosen pants are roomy around the ankles, they must be snug above the knees-- this is not a polite suggestion; it is a necessity.

And, remember, a balled-up sock in the underpants can do wonders for your self-confidence.

Thrilling Shoes
If you're not wearing pants, the shoes will be what brings your outfit together instead. Your shoes absolutely must draw attention to themselves, no matter what they have to do to get it (not unlike Bruno himself). Platform anythings will do fine, or perhaps ironic white cowboy boots. If you're looking for something reuseable, I'd suggest swinging by the official Converse website and searching under "metallic." Remember, All-Stars are timeless-- and so are shiny silver shoes.

Converse once produced extra-high-top Chuck Taylors in furry white leopard print which look exceptionally funky under blacklight. Converse doesn't produce them anymore, but I thought I'd mention them since I own a pair.

Fierce Headgear
There are no rules when it comes to what Bruno puts on his head and face. He's particularly fond of Peter Pan-style hats, though. Try for something with animal print if possible. Make sure you've got a truly excellent hat picked out if you do decide to go with one, though, since you will be sacrificing the visibility of your wonderful hair for it.

Divine Accessories
Rather than try to describe the immense length and breadth of accessories that Bruno has sported in the past and may sport in the future, I'll just list a few examples that should give you a good idea:

• Charm bracelets, particularly ones that spell out things like "Princess"
• Blinded Kanye West-style sunglasses
• Long black opera gloves
• Short white gloves
• A riding crop
• A boa. This is a big one. You can find them at Hobby Lobby.
• Large, bangley bracelets
• Numerous other thing unmentionable on Associated Content. But let your imagination run wild!

If you've followed all my instructions so far, you're almost ready to go! Here are a few more tips to take to heart before having your big night out on the town:

• Remember to be authentically Austrian. This means saying "ich" instead of "I," "wunderbar" instead of "good," and calling the occasional person "herr" or "frau."
• Remember that, when accessorizing, too much is never enough.
• Dance whenever possible. Don't worry about technical skill. Enthusiasm is enough.
• Thong underwear pairs well with low-rise pants.
• No body hair. No body hair. With the possible exception of a well-groomed treasure trail.
• If you have any facial blemishes, apply concealer. If this doesn't work, apply more concealer. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
• Remember, you are fabulous. You know better than anyone who tries to tell you otherwise.