How I Cured My Depression: Help for Those Suffering with Hopelessness

This article is about my personal struggle with depression and how I managed to fight my way out of it. Everything written below is offered as an example to follow for others who struggle with low self-confidence, grief and hopelessness. I believe that what I have to say will show other's how they can change their way of looking at the world and other people so that they can start living for themselves.

If you knew me, you would know my story. You would know my life and my struggle to freedom, you would know of my pain and my grief, and you've would have seen the results of a lifetime of torment on the face of a young girl torn into a million pieces.

What you may not have been able to see is my transformation--the light within me that has been ignited. Hitting rock bottom so many times with such astounding force has given me an appreciation of life so great that I feel that no obstacle can defeat me. Painful experiences that I thought at one time I would never live through, I now look back on and realize that I'm still here, and I'm okay--and I will continue to be okay. Problems and troubles cannot hurt me. I am the only person that can make me feel like a victim, and knowing what I know now, I would never do that to myself again. There is no way I would or could go back to being the person I used to be. I was thriving on my own pain, falsely perceiving the entire world to be against me and dreaming of my own demise. I now realize what a weak and ignorant little box I had created for myself within my own mind.

I invite you to learn from me. That's what I'm here for.

I used to be so stuck inside of my own world and my own pain that it seemed that all of the pain in the universe was on my shoulders. I was convinced that no one could have ever felt the torment that I felt and nothing else mattered except for the pain I felt over everything that I had lost. I was stuck in the past, stuck in my pain until it was all that I could see. The pain was all I that thought existed for me.

But one day, I happened to think back on my life and my circumstances. I saw that throughout it all, no matter how horrible I thought something was at the time, no matter how much I wanted to kill myself or how hated and worthless I felt, things always got better, and things always changed. As this fact became clearer to me, I began to take a more active stance on how and when things in my life changed. I realized that the world wasn't against me, I had been against me--and I had the power within me to stop it. I always did, I had just convinced myself that I was powerless and could do nothing to change my world and how the world reacted to me.

I, and anyone else on this planet, have our lives in our own hands and can change anything about it whenever we want. You have to stop telling yourself "No." all of the time or saying "That will never happen." when you think of following your true desires and dreams. All of that is just self-defeating nonsense that the negative people and emotions in your life have fed you and now you believe it as unchanging truth.

I was able to cleanse myself of negative people, or at least their effects on me. Ignorant, low frequency people have no effect on me other than as a source of occasional humor. What other people say, do, think, or expect from me has no value unless I choose to give it value, and I only give things value if they benefit me in some way. If something harms me in any way, emotionally or physically, I do away with it. My time is too valuable to be spent mulling over the stupidity and anger of un-beneficial people and events.

My sister, for example, was at one time a constant source of many tears and sadness for me. Her constant attempts at insulting me and trying to make me fit into her idea of what I should be made me feel like I was worthless and deserved to die because I couldn't do anything right according to her and the rules in her world. I felt like I was inconveniencing everyone in my life by merely existing. I didn't fit her perfect picture. I was living under her roof and wasn't working or doing much of anything really, due to depression caused by the death of my mother when I was 13. On top of all that, add the torment of basically being told that I was worthless because I wasn't contributing in a way that was suitable to her, and you have a scared, overly dependent, severely depressed, suicidal child, crying alone in her room, wishing for death.

I know now that I was doing exactly what I was supposed to be doing in reaction to the cold, unsupportive environment I had been surrounded by from such a young age. I was a child who had just lost the most important person in the world to me (my mother), and my world had come crashing down. My family expected me to be completely alright with no help and no one to talk to. Their expectations of me at that time were wrong, and their words and actions were wrong. But the pain from those events has enabled me to gain the knowledge that made me realize that it was other people's harmful expectations of me that lead me to feel convinced that I should hate myself and deem myself worthless because I couldn't make myself fit their mold and be who they wanted me to be. I had allowed my family to place their desires as being more important to me than my own emotions and needs. Looking back now, I would call that a negative situation with a positive benefit. There are many of those in life; you are just usually too busy complaining about them to notice that in the end, they are teaching you something important.

But the truth is that what others want you to be doesn't matter; it's what you want to be that is most important. It's the pursuit of your own happiness that drives you through life. Whoever steps in the way of my happiness and acts as an antagonist to it will be pushed aside--if they aren't helping you, they're hurting you and you don't need them around. People who don't trust you to be in control of your own happiness only have their own ideals and concerns in mind, not yours.

I don't have time for other's to make demands on what they feel I should do with my life when I'm the only one who knows what I should be doing, and I know that I am in fact doing exactly what I should be doing--whether anyone agrees or not. Other people can't step inside of your inner being and feel what's right for you and they can't live life for you, so how can they make your decisions? I shrug off comments unless they are valid and prove to help my cause in some way. I'm the captain of this ship and there are no co-pilots, but there is plenty of space for passengers if anyone would like to come along for the ride.

Another aspect of the transformation out of depression is knowing that no matter how bad a situation is, there have been numerous other people in the same situation, theirs may have even had a more unfortunate twist added that you, thankfully, didn't have to deal with. Some have gotten through it, some haven't. But a lesson on how to proceed in your own life can be learned from them all. No matter what happens to you, there are some people on this earth suffering excruciating pain and hardships, and they still smile, they still make the most of what they have because these people are able to find the happiness in the things that are going right for them. They know that grieving over your losses and sorrows is a necessary and important thing, but continuing to brood over them and ask "Why this?" and "Why that?" will only keep you stuck in the same rut you started in, and it will keep getting bigger and bigger. Each new negative situation will pile on until you're lost under a heap of sorrow and self pity and can't even find yourself anymore.

One day you've just got to pick yourself up and say "Okay, this situation happened. It was really difficult and it hurt a lot, but it's over now. It's time to move on." You have to make yourself do other things, think other things, and experience other things. No matter how bad things have become for you, there is always something in your life that is still positive--even if it is something small. It still matters. Everything that is good in life matters. Once you start focusing on the good you see, whenever and wherever you see it, you will start to realize that the situation that occurred wasn't as bad as you thought it was in the beginning and your mood will lighten. You will feel relieved and proud of yourself for making it through such a tough time. The sun will always overcome the darkness--and it's all up to you. You're the only person who can choose to make the darkness stay. You remain stuck in a tiny box called your mind, while the world is waiting for you to experience all of the happiness and positivity it holds. No person or situation can make you feel sad or depressed unless you've given them the permission.

Life isn't a passive experience. If you want happiness, you have to make it. If you want negativity to leave you, you have to force it away by filling in the voids with fun, laughter and whatever you can find that makes you feel at peace and content. Understand that the negative and hurtful things people say and do are to be expected; people say negative things to all of us. No one is exempt. But also know that it doesn't matter who it is, anyone that only serves to hurt you (physically or emotionally) and brings your self perception and confidence level down needs to be erased from your life and replaced with people or things that help you along your path and make you feel good.

If anyone says a negative word against me, I just laugh and shake my head. Their words mean nothing to me because I'm living life in the manner that feels right to me. I am constantly working on creating the life that I want and doing what I consider to be important to me. People can tell me whatever they want, if it goes against my beliefs, my feelings or my happiness, then they are wrong--it's as plain as that. It's not my job to worry about what other people want; it's each individual's own responsibility.

To escape depression, you have to appreciate life--starting with the one inside of you. The appreciation I have for life is at times overwhelming. There are so many possibilities and so many amazing things that you can do, see, or experience--all it takes is for you to really want it; then take the steps necessary to do it. Anything you want you can have, anything you want to do, you can do. Everything in your life is your decision--stop saying that it isn't. When you do that, you are limiting yourself, and that's just a waste of time that could have been spent acquiring more happiness.

But happiness isn't always found in physical things or activities. Sometimes the greatest happiness for me comes from thinking about the world and the universe. How and why we are here, how utterly amazing it is that anything exists, and being so thankful that I am a part of all of this. The little intricacies of the universe as a whole fit together so perfectly-how can you not appreciate that? I doubt that anyone who takes the time to contemplate this amazing Life all around us and in us could remain trapped in the emotional solipsism that restricts most people in our society to being completely wrapped up in and placing supreme importance on everyday common annoyances.Whether we were created by an intelligent entity or instead by mere chance and chemical reactions, it's still an unbelievable thing to have happen either way. So many take it for granted because they're too busy wondering about their cell phones, their boyfriend/girlfriend, office politics, or what this person said/did to that person--completely oblivious to the fact that us even being here so greatly outweighs any of these things that currently rule their thoughts and lives. And some people still have to wonder why they feel so empty and unimportant. It is because the things that rule their minds are empty and unimportant. These things have no transcendental value that they can grow from.

Depression happens when you are at odds with yourself. You don't like yourself because you don't like the situations you have had to go through or the way people treat you. You think, "If I hadn't had to be me, then maybe I could have been happy!" It's actually pretty asinine to feel this way about yourself. You don't have full control of what life decides to throw at you. There is chaos in life and we all have to go through it. You can't be mad at situations because situations are themselves completely objective. Things don't happen to you to be spiteful and Life isn't out to get you! Ups and downs are simply a part of physics that we have to live with in all aspects of our lives. Our lives are governed by physics. It's nothing personal.

Depression makes you feel alone and lonely even if there are hundreds of people right in your face talking to you. There were several times during my depression when I was completely alone both physically and emotionally--no friends around, no family who cared enough to talk to me. At times, I'd stay in my house for a month at a time without venturing out for anything. I had dropped out of college and wasn't working. I'd go days without talking to a single soul because there was no one there to talk to. I just wallowed by myself being depressed. Most people will never experience this level of isolation. Not many people could take it.

As bad as it sounds, having to live like that for so long has enabled me to learn ways to occupy my mind, body and spirit so that when I am alone, I'm not lonely. It doesn't bother me. I am always able find ways to make myself productive until I have others around again. And so can you. It's merely adaptation, making the best of the situation you are in until it changes to something more pleasant for you. It sounds weird, but I was able to create little bits of happiness for myself within the depression during those times with the coping skills I learned.

I learned to be at peace with myself. I don't require anyone in my life other than myself if it really comes down to it. Not that it isn't nice to have friends and to be social, it is, and it is very important to interact and build relationships. But what I mean is that if worse came to worse and everyone I knew turned their backs on me, died, or just moved on to other aspects of their lives, my feelings might be hurt temporarily, but essentially I would be just fine and I would make it by myself. New people will always come along. Being alone does not have to mean that you're lonely--that's merely a perception of those who view being alone with themselves as "lacking something or someone else that is needed" because they don't feel that they qualify as being "enough" or "complete" as a person in their own identity. However, as I've stated, you can change any perception you have. You're in control, not other people. Other people don't make you.

So, here are some tips for those claiming to be lonely. Don't have friends around to hang out with? Try to better yourself in some way or get creative. Learn something you didn't know about before, but always had an interest in--or better yet, learn yourself. Learn who you are, what you need and how you feel--about everything and why. If you aren't yet up for the internal work, then improve something about your external appearance that makes you see yourself in a more positive aspect. There's always something you can be doing, even when you're all alone. There will always be a future time when you'll have friends around again. In the meantime, know that there's nothing wrong with productive solitude. Become at ease being alone with yourself in quiet contemplation. It makes life a lot easier and you will feel more at ease in general.

Some of the best advice I ever heard for depressed individuals is to volunteer and help other people who have it worse than you do. It makes you snap out of your own head and suddenly you aren't just mulling over your own thoughts, but you are instead opening up to the entire world of thought and emotion. Once you are in a position of helping someone who needs you more than your depressed ego does, you will feel silly for spending so much time being depressed when there was so much good that you could have been doing instead.

This article sort of came out of nowhere, but I wrote it for a reason. I have so many things in my head that I have learned from my severe life experiences that I had to at least attempt to share them, because I want other people to learn from me. I want people to understand that they don't have to be depressed and that their lives can take them wherever they want, if they just learn to let go. Everything happens for a reason and bad times always even out. It's going to be okay.