How I Cured Myself of DVD Displacement

I'm a big movie lover. Consequently, I have a big DVD collection.

Name a genre. I have titles from them all. I haven't gotten into HD-DVD or Blu-Ray yet, but as of last count I own 800 DVDs. It's a respectable collection, though miniscule compared to some DVD Demons. Let's face it, DVD's are akin to coins or stamps as necessary fuel for a collector's obsession.

Having a large film collection means never having to settle on NetFlix being late, Blockbuster down the street being out of stock or some pathetic Pay-Per View offering nothing in the way of a decent evening's entertainment. Whether it's Disney or Dreamworks, I'm covered. The downside to such a collection is DVD Displacement.

You're in the mood for a sci-fi marathon, Star Trek followed by The Matrix. Darkly philosophical sci-fi can be ponderous, so you throw some wacky comedies in the mix like Austin Powers: The Spy Who Loved Me, Finding Nemo and The 40 Year Old Virgin. The popcorn is nuking nicely, the DVDs are cuing up smoothly. All is right with your home theatre viewing world.

Scan forward a few months and a buddy invites you over to watch your Star Trek: The Final Frontier. You smirk at his asking for such a weak entry in the otherwise stellar space opera franchise, then catch yourself. He's only borrowing it, you plunked down good money for it. You make peace with it all by reminding yourself you bought it pre-viewed for 8 bucks. Head out, but grab the DVD before you leave.

His girl brought munchies, you've got Kirk, Klingons & Crew in digital magic under your arm and the party's about to start. But are you sure Captain Kirk tagged along? When your bud's girlfriend pulls out Mr. Mom starring Terri Garr and Michael Keaton instead of Star Trek, your embarrassment is dwarfed only by the size of your quickly uttered whopper of a cover-up. "Roomie must have been drunk! Be right back!"

Confused eyes burn into your back twitching with embarrassment as you make your way home. Once there, you locate the Star Trek disc, not in the Mr. Mom case where it rightly should be, but in the fourth DVD case you search - Anger Management. You reflect on just how weirdly appropriate that theme is now, because your angry at yourself and how much time you've wasted for everybody.

When it's all over and you've saved face, vowing you'll never make such a dumb mistake again, you take Mr. Mom and display it prominently near your movie collection. The temptation to watch Michael Keaton juggle home and hearth while Terri Garr makes her way valiantly in the corporate jungle for the umpteenth time may overwhelm you, but you know it's more important of a reminder to always replace movies after watching them. DVD Displacement isn't fun and it can ruin the evening for others.

After all you're all grown up, but remember to put away your toys after playing with them.