How to Date in the Cyber Age

I've been privy to several jokes and conversations lately about men and dating over the age of 40. I've even had my teenage son threaten to trade me off to the highest bidder.

All this "fun" has me thinking: What if we could just declare ourselves the winner of some auction? It seems to work on Reality TV (at least till "Sweeps" is over). I have snubbed my nose at these shows since they began (except for Big Brother-that's my secret addiction) but what if they know something I don't?

Think about it: centuries, even decades ago, there was no internet or reality TV; yet people stayed together forever. You married, you mated, you reproduced and you went to church on Sunday and worked hard all week long.

Now there are television shows where virtual strangers are thrown together to decide in front of millions of viewers if they want to marry. A man or woman picks and chooses from a list of anywhere from 2 to 200 (did I get that right?) the person he or she will marry.

Well, gee, what if he is meant to marry "Becky Jo" who lives four blocks away. They haven't met yet because he's too busy watching someone eliminate people from the marriage circle.

Gee, thinks Billy Bob, I should go on there. I can't find anyone in this town good enough for me.

However, if Billy Bob had been going to the gym or to see the hockey game or to church, he would have run into Becky Jo. Instead, he squandered all his time in front of the TV.

Then there's Lou Ann. She's a single mom who discovers the internet. You can talk and flirt and never have to worry about a babysitter. You can wear your flannel nightgown and swear it's a negligee. Lou Ann can even pretend she doesn't have children (she has four all under the age of ten), that she's only 22 (she's 32) and has the body of a goddess. (Yes, the ones worshipped by blind men.)

So what does she do when she meets "the one" on the internet? She goes home after their "date" dreaming of happily ever after while he's running for the hills because she wasn't honest with him online. Besides, if she had just spent some time at the children's center in town signing her oldest up for baseball, she would have met Frank.

Frank is a cool guy who has signed his nephew up for baseball and is assisting the coach. Frank also wonders where all the women are. Poor Frank, they're all online while the real flesh and blood men are out participating in sports and life. The sad thing is, Frank would have seen Lou Ann as "perfect for him" and that's the only perfect she would have had to be.

Not to say the internet doesn't have its' good side. I have met some wonderful people who share my interests in writing, politics and children. I have laughed with these "cyber-friends", mourned with them, raged at our government and the war and felt strong patriotic pride (yes, you can do both) with people I wouldn't recognize if I passed them on the street.

As far as dating goes, it's hard enough in my opinion to dress up and meet someone here in town, much less go on an excursion to another city. It's so much simpler to check out what's what and who's who down at the hockey game, gym or bowling alley. It's so much nicer to meet someone at church where you already know you have your faith and values in common.

My son calls me dating challenged: he tells me I have excuses. I really don't-I have reasons. There's a difference. An excuse is: not wanting to try so you make something up. A reason is: you don't go for it with this particular person because you know somewhere down the line you'll end up killing each other-an act that's illegal in this state.

Besides, I believe in happily ever after. I believe optimistically that there is someone out there. I just don't want to waste a lot of time with the wrong ones waiting on him. I've plenty to do to keep myself occupied. I have a writing group, a Purpose group, volunteer time, walking, writing, friendships and errands. Not to mention teenagers who seem to think they're able to grow up and away so I have a few more memories to make with them first.

I do have a bit of advice for anyone who's still reading this blurb: if you're single and you're lonely: join a club, join a gym, join a church; volunteer; go for a walk. Take time to get to know yourself and what you like. Then you'll be a happier and healthier person for that someone out there for you. I promise: you'll be glad you did.