How to Date a Person and Not Their Public Persona

Are you a serial monogamist? Do you get tired of every man you date after six to eighteen months, only to go out and find another one just like him? Maybe you are focusing too much on the surface of a person. Most people, unless they are utterly over-the-rainbow insane can keep up a front for a few months and then when you are serious about them, they show what's behind the mask. Here's how you can figure out if you like the person behind the persona before you have too much invested in the relationship to walk away without drama.

First of all, ideally you would have waited to sleep with him until you knew him well. Would you trust a platonic friend with your life after you had only hung out three times? That's what you're doing with a guy when you follow the three date rule. And many of us have done it sooner than the third date a time or two. Maybe you're only making out with them early in the relationship, but it still creates chemistry and tension. You need to spend some time together doing other things besides fooling around in the early stages of dating. Go bowling, or to the beach, heck, fly a kite. If you think there's a connection, make sure you feel comfortable just doing not much of anything together.

That does not include hanging out together in a bar, even if you are playing pool, which is arguably a sport. If you need to be buzzed you don't really like him that much, not to mention that the drinking is a sign that he is under confident unless he's drunk. Unless he's confident when sober he won't ultimately be attractive for the long term. Also, you have to admit you really don't know him that well and you don't want to find out the hard way that he's a date rapist. Besides, you could get into a relationship with a pattern of enabling each other. It's always easier to drink more when you have a regular drinking buddy, and drinking with your man leads to fighting.

Engage in discussions of important issues, even if you disagree. Make sure he does not always have to be right, because what he is then essentially saying is that you are always wrong. People who are always right are evil. Someone who needs to be right all the time may also be a liar. This type of person feels smarter than you when he manages to deceive you, and to be fair, he does know something you don't: he is lying.

Take him around your friends as soon as you think it is going to get serious, to make sure he is not jealous of any guys in your group. Nothing is less attractive than someone who is jealous.

If he tells many stories about his exes, he should not still be angry with them. This is a sign that they might get back together because he has not yet let the relationship go. If he doesn't get back together with her, he may himself be a nightmare to date and that is why his old relationship sounds awful. Don't get me wrong; everyone has a bad ex story. It just shouldn't be the topic of many conversations, especially if in this story he is always the selfless victim.

What we're basically talking about is this: don't date someone you think you should want if you're only interested in how they seem when you first meet. Here's an exercise, whether you're dating someone or not. We all have a box of memories of a former lover from a thousand years ago. Take it out and look through it, and see if you can remember what you saw in them. Chances are, the pictures won't look very good to you anymore. This is because you know them so well, and you ultimately didn't want to be with the person you got to know. Don't sustain the wrong relationship until you can fill a box with bad memories ever again.