How to Date Your Spouse

With so many marriages going up in smoke nowadays, one has to wonder what the common denominator might be. Time after time in so many cases, either one or both of the people involved claim that their spouse "stopped having time for them", that they "changed" or "let themselves go", that their spouse "stopped looking at them as the sexy, desirable person they once were". In short, they stopped looking at themselves and each other as the people they were when they were first courting. And that's a lonely place to be.

Remember how exciting the early days were? How you'd take all the time in the world just to look good for your date with that "special someone"? How your heart would race as the minutes would tick by, your entire body filled with nervous excitement, just waiting to see that one special person again? How you'd go out of your way to make sure your significant other was happy and interested in you? And how you were always on the lookout for new info about their likes and dislikes, their dreams, even the mundane day-to-day activity was interesting to you because THEY were so important to you.

When does this fall by the wayside? Once you get married and the drudgery of everyday life takes over? Is it when the mortgage and car payments translate into more and more overtime and less time at home? Is it when the kids come along and EVERYTHING that was once important gets flipped on its head and generally forgotten in the quest for a decent night's sleep?

Many factors can be blamed for this falling-off of interest in one's spouse. But there are ways to get that spark back! Many successful couples swear by "date night", and even if you don't think this is a possibility for you and your spouse, MAKE it a possibility. Show that person you fell in love with that they are worth the effort. There are a million variations on this concept, but two major ones are the Formal Date Night and the Informal Date

The Formal Date Night
This could be something as simple as taking one, maybe two nights a month to get out together. If there are kids in the picture, get a sitter for the evening or, even better, leave the kids with your folks if possible. What kid doesn't love spending time with their grandparents? Heck, it's a night away from mom and dad, isn't it? And your folks will get the opportunity to shower the kids with little gifts and let them stay up too late, something you were never allowed to do when you were a kid but that's a topic for another time, isn't it?

Have fun with getting ready! There's nothing wrong, ladies, with wearing something you know your husband will think is cute and/or sexy. If you're having a somewhat dressy evening, make it a point to wear his favorite lingerie underneath your clothes and find a way to let him know it's there, either by "accidentally" letting him catch you as you dress, or by hiking up that hemline just enough for him to catch a glimpse of those garters under that skirtof course, you can play it off completely innocently. Either way, that's just enough flirtation to keep a spark going throughout the evening. Guys, don't be afraid to hit up that flower stand and surprise your lady just as you would when you were first trying to impress her, back in the day. And you guys should try to take care with your appearance on these occasions as well. It's not just the woman's job to make that extra little effort.

What to do when you're on this date? Whatever you want! Anything you don't get to do anymore now that life is so demanding. You could always do the typical "dinner and a movie" night, which is just fine and has stood the test of time (and don't be afraid to sit in the back and sneak a few kisses here and there!). Or you could mix it up a bit. The point is to do whatever it is that you enjoy doing together. Play miniature golf and go to an ice cream stand. Park the car under a starry sky, enjoy a picnic dinner and fog up the windows. Go to the beach and take a walk on the sand and just talkor make out in the sand like kids. You could even go for the full "overnight" date if your finances and childcare permit.

Are we sensing a theme? Perhaps. The key here is to have fun, to relax, to be playful, to reconnect to the people you were when you fell in love, the people you still are inside.

The Informal Date
This has the luxury of being a lot more spontaneous, but often takes even more quick-thinking to pull off. Still, if pulled off it can have the affect of a dozen Formal Date Nights because it's out-of-the-blue and shows that both partners are truly committed to showing and sharing their love every day in little ways.

The Informal Date can be something as simple as slipping a secret note into your spouse's hand which reads "Meet me for a glass of wine when the kids are asleep". This will give both of you a little spring in your step, knowing you have something to look forward to. Once the little ones are tucked in, dim the lights, turn on some music, and tune in to each other. Or, make a pretense of going to bed early when you know your spouse will be staying up a little longer to watch a movie or finish some work. While they're in their own little world, set the mood in the bedroom with candles (maybe even slip into something sexy), then call them into the room for "just a second". Guys, visit that flower stand againeven a single rose on a regular old Tuesday night can have a magical affect. Have a picnic together on the living room floor. Be creative!

Whatever you choose, the important thing is that you have the chance to show your appreciation for the person you love, not just the breadwinner or other parent to your children. The possibilities are endless, and the effort is well worthwhile.