How to Deal When an Adult Throws a Temper Tantrum

When one mentions 'temper tantrum', one automatically thinks of children. However, these are quite common in adults also.

Have you ever had the experience of having to deal with a full-grown adult throwing a temper tantrum? Certainly, not a pleasant sight to see, but more embarrassing for the adult 'throwing the fit' after they've managed to resume their proper state of mind and well-mannered equilibrium.

More and more, a trend is unfolding within our societies of seeing full-grown adults very quite suddenly 'emotionally explode' for no valid reason, or so it would seem. We can't help but wonder about the underlying causes that would instigate an adult to lose total psychological control over their proper faculties. What's even more disturbing is feeling at a loss in not knowing how to secure oneself against an 'unpredictable' individual.

Why Do People have Tantrums?

Temper tantrums can be frustrating and embarrassing for people who have emotional ties to adults given to tantrums, especially when they occur in public places. It's humiliating, as they seek excuses for their lover, friend, or family member, as naturally, the 'tantrum thrower' will reflect on the person they're affiliated to. Who needs to be subjugated to embarrassments? No one.

Sadly, the 'tantrum throwers' get to control the whole situation, with very little respect to people they're using as 'sounding boards' or the very people in the background who seek to pacify the person out-of-control.

Tantrum throwers, usually have trouble or difficulty in expressing their feelings in words, and therefore resort to a temper tantrum during which they act out their stress, frustration and anger by complaining, yelling, shrieking, or even pounding their hands on walls or tables, and stomping their feet on the floor. Underlying causes could indicate an individual either tired, stressed, prone to feeling helpless or just plain inconsiderate towards people in their proximity.

People may also throw tantrums to get another person's attention, to get their own way, to retaliate if they feel hurt, or to get others to leave them alone.

Ways In Dealing With Adult Temper Tantrums

When coming up against a person having a tantrum, it's significant to try to stay as calm as possible. Don't feed into it. Remember, that an 'unpredictable' individual can potentially become dangerous as they mount themselves to total out-of-control behaviour. No one wants to chance being the recipient of physical abuse, aside from the psychological damaging consequences. Yelling back at a person throwing a tantrum only worsens and feeds more negativity into the situation. Therefore, it's important to stay focused, in control and calm at all times. In other words, be the 'more mature' one.

1. Keeping in mind that adults can be dangerous during a temper-tantrum, perhaps it is best to leave or exit the scene altogether, if standing close by and ignoring the tantrum doesn't work. By removing yourself from the scene, the out-of-controlled individual has no more spectators to 'feed on' for attention. At best, you're also protecting yourself. If you are caring of the individual, you may want to return at a later time when you feel it's safe to approach and firmly say, "I'm sorry, but I cannot resonate to this type of behaviour, even though I still love and care about you". Make certain to make it quite clear in a calm approach that you have zero tolerance for such outbursts, and that you may not return if such an unwelcomed event occurs again. This should send a message home to the tantum- thrower.

2. If the tantrum-thrower has reached the point of physical out-of-control behaviour, then it might be recommended to have to call on professional people to restraint the person, or to relocate the person to an area where they can freely thrash around without hurting themselves or others.

3. If you've been around a lover, friend, or family member long enough to understand that they have tendencies to 'emotionally explode' when not having their way, and if fast enough to pick up on symptoms where a 'possible tantrum' may occur, try to voice to them what you think they might be feeling (Sears & Sears, 1995).

For example, you're in an office and you sense a close colleague about to 'explode'. As the tantrum is ready to be unleashed or starts to kick in, you can calmly say, "It's not always easy to do this work, but it pays well." Don't encourage the tantrum-thrower by saying, "Wow, I really don't like this tedious work, and the computer is always giving me a headache". This type of response, will certainly spawn a tantrum outburst.

4. Use 'distraction' as an implement when sensing an individual who's gearing towards a tantrum. Try to lure them away from the stimuli that is instigative by turning their attention to concentrate on something else. Make certain that your attempt is perceived naturally, without the individual thinking that you're 'forcing an attempt'. However, do remain diligent and cautious.

Conclusion

Temper tantrums in adults are not a normal way of life. One must not confuse an individual who is constructively angry to one who has totally lost control when not having their way as they want. Needless to mention, the latter is a very unhealthy manner of expression and - if the tendency is severe enough - may warrant therapeutical psychological counselling.

Sources:

Dealing With Adult Temper Tantrums
How to Deal With an Adult's Temper Tantrum
Sears, William, & Sears, Martha. (1995). The discipline book. Boston, MA: Little, Brown.