How to Deal with an Angry Pre-Teen Girl

The teen and pre-teen years are tough for any child but can be especially tough on young girls today. When you look at all the influences they have today in society and the challenges from the media, television, music lyrics and other pressures, it's easy to see how challenging it is for a young girl today on top of the changes taking place in her body, hormones and other pressures of normal life.

When you find yourself the parent of an angry pre-teen girl, it can be difficult to know how to handle the situation. She may act depressed, claim that "everyone hates her" and scream, yell and lash out at others. She may burst into tears at any moment, turn every conversation into a debate and insist that everyone is out to get her or that the entire family is ganging up against her.

Open Communication

One way that you can deal with an angry pre-teen girl is to open the lines of communication with her. Sit her down at a time when she is not angry or having a tantrum and talk to her about her life, her feelings and her recent behavior. Then be an open listener and respectfully allow her to talk to you. Use a calm, gentle voice and do not allow this to become a rant or a speech.

Have both parents take part in the talk, if possible, and be sure to tell her that you love her and that she is cherished. Sometimes the angry pre-teen girl is suffering from self esteem issues. You need to let her know that while you do not tolerate certain behaviors, you still love her very much.

Then you need to allow for open communication in appropriate and regular times going forward. Take time to spend with your daughter and listen to her respectfully. Allow her opportunities to express herself.

Set Ground Rules

Next, you need to set ground rules for what you expect of her. Tell your daughter in a firm, but not angry, voice what you expect of her. Tell her that there will be consequences for her behaviors such as yelling, not listening and following directions or fighting with family members. Then, let her know what these consequences will be. When she breaks one of the rules or fails to meet her expectations, then follow through with the consequences. Don't allow her to negotiate and don't make exceptions to the rules because this will lead to confusion and manipulation on her part later.

Don't Argue

The next important thing to keep in mind is not to not to fall to her level of adolescent arguing. Do not call her names, ever! Send her to her room, walk away yourself and calm down. Do not allow her the power and control of starting an argument or debate.

Remember to Show Love

Remember to shower her with love and let her know that you are there for her always. You can discipline without being angry. In fact, proper discipline is one of the best ways a parent can show love. Be sure to notice what she does right and applaud her for it.