How to Deal with Break-ups

It's a common story - you meet, you spend every waking minute together, you fall in love... Then the tables turn and either you or the other person may want out. This article will outline some positive thoughts on how to cope with a break up when you are the one broken up with.

Okay so no matter how long a relationship lasts, people get attached. It's not wrong to do this - it just happens. The happiness of seeing that person walk through the door is over. You have restructured your life to add this person in a primary role. And they have now walked away. Leaving you alone and with only a few remaining friends, because let's face it - there is some distancing between friends when beginning or during a relationship. Maybe your significant other didn't like this person and maybe that person didn't like the significant other. Or maybe you spent all your time with other couples and left your single friends behind in the dust.

Real friends are pretty understanding when it comes to this. They are the friends that have been by your side when loved ones died, your parents split up, or in times of a break up. They will always be in your sideline. So, your first step is to call them. Get everything off your chest. You will feel better and you may shed some light on this failed relationship that could prove useful in coping or in future relationships.

The next question you ask yourself - "is it okay to still be friends with their friends?" When you enter a relationship you have a lot of new people to introduce and meet. And somewhere along the line you may become good friends with your significant other's friends. So when it's all said and done - can you still be friendly with them? I have crossed this bridge. Having a relationship end after 2 years of living and breathing together. And I am still friends with some of his friends. They approached me first though saying that they didn't want to lose me in the separation - they liked me! And as awkward as it was at first, I am friends with them still - 1 year after the break up occured.

I will give this big piece of advice: After a break up, talk about it - a lot. It will help you to see the negative things that ended the relationship as much as remembering the positive. Eventually you will come to terms with whatever happened. During your mourning period - throw out all of the pictures and memories you have saved up such as ticket stubs, greeting cards, poems, drawings, etc. If you cannot bring yourself to throw them out - put them in a shoe box labelled and away in a closet. Go out, do things. Get that new outfit you saw weeks ago that you are dying to have. Get a new haircut and maybe even a highlight (of course this is directed towards women). Try new foods and new activities. Maybe you haven't gone to the movies in a while - call up some friends and go! Start working out again, because you probably ceased that once you were in love. Do things for you, and you alone.

For me, my family was the biggest help. I have 5 brothers and sisters who, although most likely get tired of hearing it, will listen to you for hours and let you cry on them forever. My sisters (both older) came and scooped me up as soon as they heard and kidnapped me for a weekend. I learned how to ski which I had been wanting to do for years. I went shopping and got a new haircut. I found a new place to live and I got promoted at my job. I completely revamped my life for everything that was important to me that I had neglected. I found my spunk and happiness again. I had friends and family there along the way to lift me up and hold me steady but I made it. Now 1 year later after the most traumatizing break up of my life so far, I have purchased a condo, a new car, new job, new look (clothes/hair), new life and I now have a great new boyfriend that already values me more than the last one did.

I will say this as a last note: Do not rush right into another relationship unless the one that just ended did NOT mean anything to you. You have to allow yourself to heal first - or you could just wind up hurting someone else. You cannot get over something by not thinking about it and by forgetting it. No matter what it is in your life that you have to get over, cope, or deal with, you have to face it before it will ever go away. It obviously made you somewhat happy when it was going on - so don't regret it. Treat it as an experience to make you stronger and wiser. And always remember - Always smile because you never know who is falling in love with that smile.