How to Deal when Your Child Constantly Whines

Children do what works. If your child is whining, he or she is getting a response from you. Oddly enough, children seem to prefer punishment and anger to no response at all. Whining is usually based on the goal of seeking undue attention. For some children, it is the only method they know to get their needs met. Other children go through a whiny time and it then disappears as quickly as it started.

Some of the suggestions here may seem contradictory, depending on whether they address the belief or the behavior. Choose the approach that feels best to you.

1. Every time your child whines, take him on your lap and say, "I bet you need a big hug." Do not say anything about the whining or what the child is whining about - just hug until you both feel better.

2. Let your child know that you love him but you can't stand whining. Tell him that if he whines, you'll leave the room. You'll be happy when he stops so you can spend time with him. Then, every time your child whines, leave the room. If he follows, go to the bathroom, lock the door, and turn up the radio.

3. Plan for regular, scheduled special time with your child to help him feel special, important, and that he belongs.

4. During a happy time, work out a signal with your child about what you will do when you hear whining. Perhaps you will put your fingers in your ears and smile. Another possibility is to pat your hand over your heart as a reminder that you love him.

5. Tell your child what you are going to do: "When you whine, I will leave the room. Please let me know when you are willing to talk in a respectful voice s I will enjoy listening to you." Still another possibility is to explain, "It's not that I don't hear you. I just don't want to have a discussion with you until you use your regular voice. I don't answer whiny voices."

Children can learn that their parents love them but will not fall for their manipulative tactics. Children feel better about themselves when they learn effective skills to deal with their needs and wants. A misbehaving child is a discouraged child. A cooperative child is an encouraged child. Whining could be a sign of discouragement that will stop when the child feels enough belonging and significance.