How to Deal with a Difficult Co-Worker: Establishing a Healthy Environment Despite Workplace Problems

Does your workplace ever feel like a middle school cafeteria? Immature people spreading gossip, forming cliques, and acting like the children they are? Do you have a co-worker or a group of co-workers who seem to not like you and you can't figure out why? Do you dread going to work because of a certain set of people? It may be time to employ these seven tried and true steps to a healthier work environment.

1. Check yourself.

Take an honest look at your performance at work, or ask a trusted friend to help you evaluate your efficiency and attitude. When people become complacent with their jobs (let alone frustrated) they begin to show up late, complain more, and do less work to compensate for the dissatisfaction they feel. Analyze your work life and make sure you haven't fallen into the "complacency trap". You may even want to ask your supervisor for an honest evaluation if you haven't had one in a while. Be as factual and fair as possible with yourself because any lasting change must be based on the truth.

2. Change yourself.

Make sure to show up to work on time, try to stay off the phone and internet when it is not related to your job. Smile at your co-workers; stop complaining. Griping and cussing may feel good for a moment but it is destructive work behavior and others feed off of it. If you spend time at work around other complainers, you will need to limit that as well. Adopting a positive attitude is essential to establishing a healthy work environment. Try staying a few minutes after work to finish up on projects. Don't be the first person to rush out of the door.

3. Now comes the kindness.

Start to say hi and speak to those at your job that you don't normally talk to. Establish a friendly "greeting routine" that includes even the people who don't seem to care much for you. We all fall short of perfect and it is very likely that you have received undeserved grace in your life; treat people better than you feel they deserve. Pick a day of the week to bring fruit and muffins to work for breakfast, or order salads or pizza for the people on your team or in your area. Bring a candy dish to work and share chocolate or fruit snacks. Make yourself open and available to those around you. Offer to help a co-worker who is falling behind on a project. Consider cleaning the break room or bringing in a new microwave or coffee maker to work. Start to improve your surroundings without making a big show of it. Try to serve those around you in humility.

*You may be thinking that you shouldn't have to change, because the problem isn't with you. Lead by example. People can't read your mind but they can see your actions and hear your words. Establish a work routine that is above reproach. By doing this, no one can legitimately claim that you are not doing your work, or that you don't have a team attitude, etc.

4. The first pass.

Approach the person or people that you seem to have the most trouble with. Open up conversation with them and try to determine whether or not they still feel negatively toward you. If you can feel that there is still some tension there, think of something nice you can do for, or say to, that person. Offer to help them finish up some work, or offer to take them to lunch one day. If these things are not possible, then at the very least, begin to say nice things to them specifically.

*Though you may have thought your mother or teacher was just being nice when she said this during your childhood, most people who are mean to you ARE doing so because they are jealous of you. At work, you may have the job, or desk, or status that someone else wants. This may cause them to resent you and to even gossip about you or disrespect you. There is no need to revert to childhood tactics to "get back" at them.

5. The direct approach.

You have tried everything and someone is still making your work environment uncomfortable for you. In a professional and courteous manner, jot down some notes and examples (on paper or mentally) of the problem(s) you are experiencing. Word your issue carefully; do not use an accusatory or derogatory tone even if they have used one with you. Double check yourself with your spouse or a successful friend outside of work. Make sure your comments are not too harsh, but that they clearly describe what is going on. Approach co-workers individually; do not try to address more than one person at a time. Do not talk with your co-worker in an area that you can be overheard. Do not make a scene of approaching them and asking them to step into your office, or the break room. Be discreet and polite. Try to address the issue without bringing up your prepared points. Explain that you feel a bit of tension with them and that you want to see if it is real or just perceived on your part. Be polite, patient, and listen to everything they have to say. If they seem to unjustly deny the existence of tension, bring in your examples in a gracious way. Let them know that this job is important to you and you want to clear the air. Ask them if there is any offense they have with you and be open to what they may have to say. Apologize for things that have hurt them and promise to improve your performance. In the event that this conversation does not go well at all, consider moving to Step 6. If your work environment can't support Step 6, then skip to Step 7.

6. When "telling on" someone is necessary.

If after the direct conversation nothing changes, or things get even worse, it may be time to use a professional grade school tactic. Report your efforts to communicate with your problem person or people to a supervisor who is actually in a position to make something happen. Explain the problems you have had in the past, and recap the conversation(s) you tried to have with that person. Ask your supervisor if they have any suggestions on how you can make the situation better. They may want to bring both of you together and mediate themselves; be open to your supervisor's suggestions. By doing this you are documenting the dilemma and you are also showing that you want to take personal responsibility for problems in the work environment and do your best to fix them.

7. In conclusion.

In the event that nothing has worked, continue to be polite to your problem people. All you can do is do your job well, remain honest and open and try to fix any concerns that may come up. Once you have done these things, remain courteous and people will usually come around in time. You may never be best friends with the person, but you certainly won't actually be at fault for wronging them. Make a legitimate effort to remain friendly and people have no choice but to follow suit or feel silly. Have patience.