How to Deal with Drama Starters in Your Vanilla or BDSM Life

No matter where in life, you will have to deal with those who strive on drama, love to start it or keep it going. This is a simple fact of life. Thousands upon thousands of human beings of both genders love to create issues where none need be and are unnecessary if not destructive. If you don't belief me just look at the popularity of soap operas, which are build solely on this concept.

In order to be fair I would even say that all of us at one point or the other in our life have been guilty of this. As we mature however and grow both in our personal vanilla life as well as our path in BDSM, we by necessity need to become aware of those tendencies in ourselves and others, and work hard to avoid this.

In my opinion, and no it can seldom said to be humble, a community of any kind is not the place for such behavior. What do you do so, when you are attacked or confronted by those who feel the need to indulge?

Here are some of the things I have personally started doing.

Listen politely and with an open mind to see if it is really drama or a valid point I may have missed. If it was something I have done wrong, I will take the time to apologize and to rectify the situation accordingly. If it is not something that I belief I have caused, but someone took personal when it was either none of their business or not even directed at them, I will give them a one time clarification and then drop the subject.

Walk away if I find myself getting irritated or upset. Responding during high stress moments doesn't do anyone any good. As a Dom/me it is my responsibility above all else to remain in charge of my own emotions and actions. This of course includes the way I speak to others as well. Can I stop myself from growing irritated with this? The honest answer is no, but I can stop myself from adding to the fuel by stopping the conversation and walking away from it.

What if it goes to slander? Gratefully there are very few human beings who will carry it this far, but sadly there are a select few who will try to get a rise out of you by all means. I realize that I can not stop anyone from talking negatively about me. It is each person's prerogative to voice their opinion and to say what they like. That does not mean it has to be true, or even that I agree with it. But instead of protesting what is being said about me, which only results in someone saying: "I thinketh the Lady protesteth too much!" I can continue being who I am and give others the opportunity to make their own judgment about me. If I stay true to my course and try my best to stay above reproach, then in due time the person will be discredited.

Grow a tough skin and not worry about it. See it as part of doing anything successfully and being only one of many who will set this sort of behavior off. If I would worry about everyone these days who is offended by something I said, wrote or did, I would not be able to speak, write or even breathe.

Kill them with kindness. The more someone gets rude towards me, or tries to get me to be upset and react, the nicer I tent to get. Considering I am an adept myself in mind manipulation I know the essence of it very well. Instead of falling for this old trick, I am simply going to make certain they in the end will be the one walking away upset, while I remain behind smiling and in charge.

If all else fails, I just depart their company period. Friends wouldn't do that to me, and those who care about me will not fall for this either, so what do I have to lose by having them become "dead" to me?

What are some of your personal ways of dealing with this issue?