How to Deal with a Drunk in Your Life

This is something that I have wanted to talk about for a while, but I've always found it hard to figure out what it is I want to say. I've never really had to deal with a drunk in my life; it was always me who was the drunk. This is what makes it so difficult for me; it's so personal. This is a question that I get asked a lot; how to deal with a drunk. I try to think about what would have been the best thing to help me during the midst of my addiction, and there is no easy answer to this.

The current wisdom seems to be that you should show some tough love, and kick the drunk out of your life. I can understand why people would want to get a drunk out of their lives, but I'm not convinced about it being a particularly good way to help a drunk. The idea of forcing them to hit bottom leaves me feeling uncomfortable; for too many people this bottom will be death. There is a lot of 'common wisdom' about how to deal with drunks that seems to be just accepted without any attempt to question its validity.

I do understand that it can be soul-destroying to watch somebody ruin their life with addiction. I am sure it is even harder when they start dragging you down with them. If kids are involved then they have to take priority and should be taken out the situation. As for how to deal with the drunk my feeling is that there is not too much you can do until they are ready. The addict is in the midst of an obsession, and it is understandable if people want to leave them to it.

When they are ready the drunk will need as much help and support as possible, and this is what worries me about people cutting them out of their lives. It can be very hard for an addict to ask for help; this will be even harder if a person has more or less washed their hands of them. The addict can end up alone. Occasionally the urge to quit may come, but if there is no support this may just pass without any real attempt to quit. These urges to stop can come out of nowhere, and are not necessary as a result of hitting rock bottom. Sometimes it is catching glimpses of how good life could be sober that causes people to want to stop.

I believe that the only way that family and loved ones can help the addict is by doing all they can to keep the door to recovery open. There is no point in trying to hound them into getting help because that won't work, but what can be done is to nudge them at the appropriate times. When a drunk is having a particular bad hangover it might be an idea to leave some recovery literature lying around. If they show the slightest interest you should do all you can to encourage this and trying and get them to do something straight away; such as see their doctor or attend a recovery group. The wiliness to change can come and go and when it goes you can't guarantee it will ever come back. The addict will often realise how bad their life has become, but escape from addiction can seem like an impossible dream.

I sort of feel that what I'm saying here doesn't make much sense. I just find it hard to answer this question, but wanted to try.