How to Deal with Failure

Everyone experiences failure at one time or another in their lives, it is part of being human. In fact some might say it is in the forefront of the human experience, for how can we learn if we do not fail occasionally? Okay, I admit it. Sometimes failure is more often than occasionally. We've all those times when for example we've been to ten job interviews in two weeks and not one of the companies hired us. While not everyone equates such an experience with failure, many of us do. Or you've got a boss who is a perfectionist and no matter how many times you redo a project to his/her exact specifications, he/she isn't happy.

So what do you do when you are having feelings of having failed?

1. Remember that sometimes what you equate with failure may not actually be a failure on your part. Like the example I used above about going to ten job interviews and then not getting hired. There is no way that could be deemed failure because there are many other factors that can come into play such as; the company doesn't have a job opening they are just taking resumes and interviewing in the event one should become available, or the companies only have one or two positions and hundreds of applicants. When this is the case, count yourself lucky to have made it to the interview phase! So, ask yourself the questions, "Is this a case of my not having done everything I could do to succeed?" and "What other factors come into play here? Is this a case of failure, or just these other factors affecting the outcome?" Once you understand what is and is not a failure, you'll be better equipped emotionally to deal with whatever comes your way.

2. Be kind to yourself. Even if you have actually failed at something such as, a test, a class, a job, or even a relationship, keep in mind that in order to learn new things we have to be willing to make mistakes, to fail. It would be a pretty boring world if we always succeeded.

3. Remember that failure now can lead to success later. Maybe you flunked a test for example, and you now know you need to study a bit harder for the next test. Set up a plan of action that will lead to your success the second time around.

4. Don't be afraid to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try again. No matter how dismal a failure, it is important not to allow yourself to not try again. Sometimes when we fail, we become so afraid of failing again that we don't allow ourselves another chance to succeed.

5. Don't assume that just because you failed this time, you will always fail. Some people, particularly personalities that have a tendency to obsess about their failures, convince themselves that no matter how many times they try again, they are doomed to fail every time. The fact of the matter is this is just nonsense. You may not have had enough information the first time around, or you simply may not have tried hard enough, or maybe you did, but you needed more time and didn't get it. Whatever the reason, just because you failed the first time doesn't mean you will the second, or third times.

6. Speak kindly to yourself. It's amazing how nastily we can speak to ourselves. If you are someone who is finding yourself speaking to yourself in a mean and nasty way, then stop and begin speaking to yourself kindly right this moment. This may seem strange at first, or your inner critic may rear its ugly head and try to stop you, but just keep doing it. Over time your mind will become accustomed to the kind speaking and the negative voice will fall away.

Self-care during times when you feel you have failed or are failing is very important. Remember to use these tips to care for yourself during those times when you feel you have failed or that you are failing. You will feel better, and be able to maintain your mental health as well.