How to Deal with the Family Members that Constantly Bring You Down
When someone tells me I can't do something, I take it as a personal challenge. What better way to fuel a fire than to have someone tell you that it's not going to happen for you. What do you do? Try your hardest to prove you can and not only that, but, WILL do it. It doesn't matter if it's owning your own business, being a home schooling parent or even an actor. If you want something bad enough then you can do it. Their naysaying may seem as a downer but use it as something to push you forward. Become even more determined in your goals and set up steps to achieve the ultimate one, no matter what. It's best to just ignore them if what they say is extremely hurtful.
Take into consideration the reason they're saying you can't do something may also because they're jealous. You probably have this amazing ability and talent that they see, but they don't want to admit to it. Jealousy can make anyone overreact and try to make others not do something just because they never could. If that makes any sense.
Family can also be the most critical, such as offering their color commentary on anything you do. This can include your personal appearance which as anyone knows can be quite aggravating. Family isn't supposed to judge you, this is true, but there's always one person who will ask you if you've gained or lost weight - or even toss in the comment that they feel you're too heavy/thin. These people offer the most unsolicited advice of the unsolicited advice givers, it seems. They feel they have some right to tell you how to look and act because they're family. Just respond cordially to these comments and remember: the only one who needs to be happy about how you look and feel is you. So what that they dislike your choice to wear tye dye and long skirts with sandals? That's your choice. They don't have to like it and chances are if they dislike your attire, there's probably a good chance you dislike theirs. Just remember this: as long as you're happy with yourself it doesn't matter what others say. Shrug them off.
Maybe that age old nagging of, 'when are you going to get married?' is being tossed repeatedly at you. This can be the most redundant question ever and make you want to scream. Now, maybe you have a significant other or maybe you're single, but there are responses for each of these that generally quiet down the family member - even if it is only temporarily. I can tell you flat out, someone in your family will suggest you ditch the 'loser' you're with now and find someone better, wealthier... if you don't believe me, let me tell you from experience: family WILL do it. Most people seem to think that you can learn to love someone wealthy and yes, you can. But no matter what, they don't have to be engaged or married to this person in the long run. You do. You know who you are attracted to and even if they don't have a six digit income a year you can still be perfectly happy. When family members bug you about this you merely need to say, "I'm taking my time to make sure the right person comes along. That way I don't have to deal with messy divorce after divorce for being too hasty." Sure they may take offense, but isn't what they just tried nagging into you a bit offensive? Like you HAVE to get married?
If no matter what, people in your family keep beating you down no matter what you do to keep them quiet or even cater to their whim, there is one last option that many people do. Sometimes it's best to keep your distance from these members. Many people move away because they can't deal with their families always beating them down and or pressuring them to do things they don't want to do. It may seem selfish and it can be lonely, however it most definitely beats feeling miserable and alone around your family because no matter what you do they aren't happy with you. Ultimately do what you need to do to make yourself happy and a success.
Family is supposed to love unconditionally. But sometimes there are those who just will not love you unless you fit their idea of a person. This can be disenchanting and make you feel cast away from the family. No matter what they say or do, you need to remember to blank them out if things get too tough. As long as you don't let them get to you and ultimately break you like a wild horse, you will be fine - either there with them or miles away.
Published by Rebecca Green
Full time working single mother with a knack for writing and being zany. View profile
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12 Comments
Post a CommentI'm starting to realize that the only solution is eliminate these difficult people from our lives. By eliminate, I mean to simply not see them anymore. Don't call, visit, invite, or write. Really the only person we can count on is the one looking at you in the mirror. If we're lucky enough, we will have the blessing of having a wife, husband or significant other that will stand next to the person in the mirror through thick or thin. We can only hope.
For years I have been treated like an outsider by my family due to the fact that I am not biologically my Dad`s daughter. evn though this I have put their needs first, always. I am continually there when they need me in many different ways including financially, even when I was really strained money wise. Recently I could not borrow them money as much as I would have loved to i could not because I did not have it to give and I was met with hate. If fact two of my siblings used that exact word. They went as far as putting words of hatred in my father`s mouth that has passed away. Saying that I was responsible for lending them moey and that he would have hated me too for saying I could not do it. My mother and my sisters are no longer speaking to me. They don`t seem to understand that you cannot get blood from a stone. I feel helpless against them. I have always been the peacekeeper and now because I cannot lend them money they hate me. I do not know what I can do to make them understand
I am the youngest by 18, 13 and 11 years. My family has talked me into being mentally incompetent, do not believe what I say and are unable to stand up for my cause...was it wrong to tell my sisters good-bye? I feel relieved. My mother said they will always see me as, "the little sister." Sorry, I am now 39 and deserve respect. They are bloodsucking leaches but now I feel I can move on. They also take advantage of my parents and have no care. My parents just want to keep the peace. I spoke my mind and boy did I get the downfall. These are elderly folks. I will always love THEM but my siblings can take a hike.
Dear J. forgive me for moving on.
Ive got this older brother, who I love alot. But, everytime he comes over to visit my mother and I, he gets really bossy, he tries to run everything, everything that comes out of his mouth is a complaint about something or someone. He tries to take control of how I do things in college and it is making me really mad and frustrated. I need to tell him how I feel everytime he does that. Hopefully he will listen and change. But, knowing him he will try and justify why he does all of it, but I really dont care.
my family (mother and sisters) have always used me. I am a kind hearted person and they take advantage, it hurts but i am no longer going to let them use me or my family. they move into my home flirt with my husband, my husband stays in our bedroom to be away from them then they talk sh!t about our home saying its to small, get the heck out then! they treat my youngest daughter bad because shes dark skinned. (my moms white were half mexican) my mothers a racist since she got with a married white man. my sister has abortions so her soon to be ex husband wouldn't find out he wasn't the father (the baby was by a black man) and my other sister is being paid to stay married to her "husband" so he can be a citizen! All of this and they treat me like i am the black sheep of the family!
My mother does not like my 13 yr old son. She has been like this for some time now. It is very hurtful and causing a big problem with my family. I have 4 other children. She seems to favor my 10 yr old the most. I have tried talking to her to let her know how it is making him feel and that is hurting all of us. She does not seem to see it and just keeps going at him trying to convience me that he is a bad kid. She talks to me about him like he is this bad kid in the neighborhood and that really hurts. My son is a good person, he is on the honor roll and very active in all sports. She can't even acknowledge when he receives an award. She will just say oh, and then continue to talk about something else. I feel like I need to distance myself and all of my children from her to keep her from saddening all of us. Anyone else have this problem? Help Please
Great advice, I'm going to try it.
I am going through this.. and have been all my life.. and its still going on. I'm not included in things.. or invited, none of them talk to me or call me up to talk. And when they are here they dont even talk to me then. I dont know what its like to be loved at all. As far as parents go.. i dont have them, and i have to lean on the rest of my family for support , and yet they dont want me around. i try talking to them, and they just shrug it and me off, and act like its not even a problem. And they tell me that I'm the one who should make the first step all the time. And I do try at most times and I get no where. So its just as easy for them to do it, as it is for me, but yet no one does it. Its not like I can leave if I wanted too. There are certain circumstances keeping me here. I just wish i knew what to do, because I cant take this torture much any longer.
Good article. I wish it were only ONE person in my family!
I've been in this situation too. I just do not have any time for family members who mistreat me.
Sophie