How to Deal with a Hysterectomy

In June of 2004, I gave birth to my last son. The day after his birth, satisfied with three children and certain I wanted no more, I had a tubal ligation. The following winter, I started having pain in my pelvic region that worsened when I had a period. By summer, I was bleeding for weeks on end. Heavy, heavy bleeding. It would stop for a week and start again. Finally, I called a gynecologist.

That phone call would send me on an emotional journey. First, he needed to find out if he could stop the bleeding. Since my tubal, my periods had lasted three days at most until the uncontrollable bleeding started. The doctor thought this could be the problem. Since my periods were so short, perhaps the uterine lining wasn't shedding completely and it had just given way. He put me on horomone therapy. It consisted of taking birth control pills. I was irritated. After all, one of the reasons I had decided to go ahead with a tubal was to avoid having to take birth control pills! I took them. Nothing changed. At the next visit, he gave me samples of another birth control pill. He told me to take five the first day, four the next, then three, then two, then continue on with one a day. Five birth control pills can make you very sick. Just a warning. I was sick all day that first day.

The bleeding stopped. For three days. I was disappointed. Not wanting to go back to the doctor for the second time in a week, I took five again. I took five that day, four the day after, and then three every day. It worked for about two weeks. Then the flood came. This time, nothing would stop it. I called the doctor back. This time, he scheduled me for a laparoscopy and a D&C. It meant he would look inside me with a small camera and he would scrap my uterine lining down to normal, whatever that was.

By this time, I was sure I didn't want to deal with this any longer. It had gone on for three months and I was SO over it. I wanted it out. I really, really did. Didn't I? He told me it would be an option if the D&C didn't work, but he had to do the D&C first, not only for health reasons, but for insurance reasons. They wouldn't cover a hysterectomy without the laparoscopy first. He had to be able to tell them WHY I needed a hysterectomy.

The morning of the laparoscopy and D&C, I entered the outpatient section of the hospital, tired and irritable. They started an IV (no easy feat on me, as I have what they call "rolling veins"- they won't hold still for a needle), took me to the pre-op room and knocked me out. When I woke up, I had a small incision, no bigger than the one they had used to do my tubal ligation a little over a year before. I was a little sore, and I could hear the doctor telling my husband that I might bleed a little that day, but I shouldn't any more for a while. I also heard him say "endometriosis".

The bleeding didn't stop. It was lighter, much lighter, but it was still there. I gave it a few days and went back in. GOOD NEWS!!! I could have the hysterectomy. The endometriosis was keeping me from stopping the bleeding. Endometriosis is when tissue that is like the tissue in the uterine lining grows outside the uterus, often on organs in the pelvis and abdomen. It can cause infertility, pain and bleeding. It is also a common reason for hysterectomies.

As the date for my hysterectomy grew closer, I began to get scared. What would I need to expect? Would it be really painful? Would I be "normal" sexually? Would I be less of a woman? Would I have to take horomones? So many questions!!! The doctor told me that he would be doing my hysterectomy vaginally, meaning, he would go in through my vagina and take out my uterus and ovaries that way instead of slicing open my abdomen. I was told most hysterectomies could be done that way now and that it would take much less time to heal. Since I had given birth to my children vaginally, there really should not be any reason I couldn't have the hysterectomy that way. He said that if someone had given birth by C-Section AND had excessive scar tissue, they might have to do it the other way, but I wouldn't have to worry about that. He also told me he would put me on horomones.

With every answer came new fears. I remember breaking down one night and telling my husband that I was getting rid of the thing that made me a woman. I didn't expect that sort of thought to enter my mind. After all, I had WANTED the hysterectomy! He told me that it WASN'T what made me a woman. It was only what carried our children and we were done doing that. Knowing that he was behind me made all of the difference.

A friend steered me to a website called Hystersisters. She told me it was invaluable when she had her hysterectomy. I went to the site for help. There I found message boards, research, information, guidelines, and even a store where you could buy books and things for information. There was even a section to help men know what to expect. You could sign up with your hysterectomy date and they would send updates to your email about where you should be in your journey. I signed up and found a wealth of support and information.

The morning of the hysterectomy, I went through the same pre-op procedure I had gone through before. This time, when I woke up, my throat hurt, my insides hurt, my head hurt. There was an oxygen mask over my face, and in my half-asleep state, I ripped it away. The nurse came and put something in my IV and I was asleep again. The next time I woke up, I was being wheeled into the room where I would stay the next two days. I had antibiotic IV bags and a catheter, neither which was any fun. At first, I was in a lot of pain. It was internal pain, like a burning. They gave me pain medication in my IV, though and I was ok, only tired.

The surgery had gone well, it had been done vaginally, as promised, and all I had to do was take four bags of antibiotic through my IV. Until the next day, I wouldn't be able to take the catheter or IV out. I woke up a couple of times throughout the night wanting pain medication, but by the second day, I was on plain Tylenol. When I went home, I had to take stronger pain medications if I over-did it, but for the most part, it was Tylenol. After two or three days of rest, I started to gradually add things back into my routine. Within two weeks, I was doing everything normally, with the exception of my sex life. That took a slightly longer time, a couple more weeks (I had to also get the go-ahead from the doctor, you don't want to risk infection). At first it was different, but after a few times, it seemed to be completely back to normal as well.

After a little over a year, I realize this was one of the best decisions I could have made for myself. Although the emotions were a complete surprise to me, finding support from family, friends, and online from people who had been there was invaluable. I wouldn't go back for anything. I have stopped taking my horomones (a decision that was right for me, but might not be for you) and I no longer have hot flashes, which lasted only a couple of months. The most important things you can do if you are facing this decision is:

1. Talk openly to your doctor. Write down any questions you might have and ask them.

2. Tell your friends and family you need their support.

3. Have open conversations with your husband (if you have one). Tell him your fears and encourage his input.

4. Join online support. Hystersisters is a great place to start.

I am satisfied with my decision, but had I not sought the information and support I desired, I might not have gotten that way so easily. I recommend that if you are going to go through this, you search out the same support.