How to Deal with a Jealous Co-Worker

Whether you're the youngest in the office, the smartest, the dumbest, the most educated, the most attractive, or the social climber, you've likely encountered some form of jealousy, whether deserved or not, from one or more of your co-workers. Jealously can stem from a variety of sources, but it's usually ugly, makes everyone involved and anyone nearby feel uncomfortable, and produces no benefits for anyone...at all.

So why do people get jealous? What can you do about it? Hope they get fired (or otherwise disappear)? Have it out with them in front of the entire office so everyone sees just how right you were?

Below are some of the most common reasons co-workers get jealous and some suggestions for handling each situation. I can tell you from personal experience that I have dealt with, or am currently dealing with, each of these situations, and my ways of handling each has proven to be as effective as anything I could expect.

*Caution: If the situation is not affecting your quality of work or how you feel about your job or co-workers, the best thing to do is ignore it. But, if it's affecting your emotional state of mind or your ability to get your job done, it may be time to step in and address the situation.

Seniority
If you've worked in your office for 8 months and the others in your department have worked there for 6-9 years, they're going to resent you if you get chosen for special projects or promotions. This is not to say that they resent you in particular or that they think you just suck; it just means they have a sense of entitlement for time served. Maybe they are the ones who deserved the special projects or promotions, but maybe not. Just because they've been there longer does not mean they do better work, more work, or have as much potential for advancement as you.

How to Deal with Seniority Issues
Remind them (or have your manager do it), in as subtle and non-arrogant a way as possible, why your particular job function was created. Were you hired to network with outside offices? If so, when a project comes up in which the goals are to create a collective unit from several other offices, it shouldn't be too surprising that you'd be selected for the workgroup. If they understand that, they may be better equipped to deal with the situation. They'll probably still feel jealous or left out, but at least when they're sitting there fuming over it, they'll have a few answers to think about.

Education
If you're the most educated of the bunch, some people will look to you in your infinite wisdom, others will look at you like you're a hack, and others will resent you for having more education than they do.

How do Deal with Education Gaps
Were you hired because you have more education and/or experience in the field/job function? If so, this is another area that may need to be (subtly) pointed out. If you have a Master's degree, as in, you spent an extra 2+ years racking your brain and racking up school loan debt to be considered an "expert" in the field, well, maybe you deserve that credit (although some people with advanced degrees can't get out of the "theory" mode and into the "application" mode...but that's another article entirely.) If you have to hang your degree on your wall as a not-so-subtle reminder, go ahead.

How to Deal with Manager's Expectations and Decisions
If you're truly uncomfortable with even being chosen for a particular project or for getting a promotion, sit down with your manager and ask why s/he chose you over someone else. If you feel as though you can't get the job done correctly or you don't want the responsibility at that time, let him/her know that. By doing this, you're not saying you can't handle anything, you're just acknowledging that you may not be right for this one. Of course, you'll want to explain why you feel this way so you are not seen as lazy or incompetent - there are legitimate reasons for not being able to take on everything.

Another potential outcome of a meeting with your manager is understanding why you were chosen, thus granting you the internal confidence and outside support you need to excel in the role. Maybe you'll come away knowing why your manager chose you and you'll be able to understand it and appreciate it completely.

Conclusion
No one wants to feel uncomfortable at work. If someone is making you feel uncomfortable, address the issue in as non-threatening of a way possible. Ask for manager support if you need it. Always take the high road (DO NOT be the one gossiping and complaining behind everyone's back). And most importantly: Do your job well; then, people won't have much of a leg to stand on if they want to criticize any element of real value, such as your work ethic or performance.