How to Deal with Passive Aggressive Behaviors

We live in a passive-aggressive world. Chances are, (if you live on planet earth) that either you, your spouse, or a family member, exhibits mild to extreme passive-aggressive behavior. People who have deal with others passive-aggressive behaviors often times feel victimized by this persons ability to "explode" at unpredictable times for seemingly "no" reason. How do we deal with a loved one's passive aggressive behavior? In the next ten tips, you'll receive a solid introduction into the journey of defense and acceptance.

1. One of the major annoyances of the passive aggressive personality is their ability to make those around them feel confused, never knowing which step is the right one to take. Logically, our brain would like to examine a situation, with all of the various variables, and make the best decision. The problem with making decisions with the passive aggressive, is that their withdrawn, or withholding personality leaving you "guessing", instead of "knowing." While it may not be possible to eliminate this behavior from existing in the other person, you can change how it effects you. The first step is to understand your loved one is passive aggressive, and most often are not trying to hurt you. When situations get hot, go for a walk, read a good book, go listen to some music, anything that will keep you calm, until they are ready to be direct with you and tell you what they need.

2. Passive aggressor's have a tendency to swing towards the negative and critical. This can be extremely hurtful, especially when you're excited about something positive in your life. While many passive aggressors behaviors may be unpredictable, certain passive aggressors almost always try to down play the happiness of others, in order to bring everyone down to "their level". The best thing to remember, is that misery loves company, but this does not mean you need to sit down and have tea. More than likely your passive aggressive friend does appreciate what you're excited about, and is excited for you, they just can't always break their positive feelings through their "negative barrier" Continue to feel positive, and never ever feed their beast by downplaying yourself or your achievements.

3. If you've been hurt one too many times by the passive aggressive, you may feel like confronting them on their confusing behavior. If you choose to do this in a positive, constructive, manor, here are several things you could say.

A. Your words are inconsistent with your actions.
B. Directly ask them for how they feel, and let them know, good or bad, it's okay to express their feelings/emotions.
C. Let them know, from now on you are going to trust their actions before their words, until the two start to match up.

4. What if not them, but you who is acting passive aggressive. How can you recognize this behavior? There are a few simple questions you can ask yourself. Examine your current situation and see if you're...

A. Being a people pleaser. (telling others or another what they want to hear rather than how I truly feel)
B. Believing the way you feel is unique and UN-understandable. Hiding your position in order to not make anyone (including yourself) feel "awkward."
C. Using dishonesty to avoid confrontation.

5. Refuse unfair demands. There is really no need for a long, descriptive paragraph on this one. It's simple; just say no. You should know when a demand is unfair.

6. Seek outside, professional help.
I have purposely waited until after the half-way mark on our list to bring this option up. First off, you may not have the financial resources to seek professional help, second off, good luck getting a passive aggressive into the counselor's office! In all seriousness though, if you've reached a point where positive, constructive conversation about the behavior has made some progress and headway towards change, maybe you're in a spot where a professional could really come in and get some work done.

7. Create "back-up" plans.

Once you've reached the realization that your associate is passive-aggressive, make sure to create "back-up" plans, anticipating having to "protect" yourself when they fall short on agreements.

8. Letter Writing.

While the passive-aggressive does need to learn how to assert themselves with you honestly and directly during actual conversation, sometimes honest letter writing is a good first step at getting the passive aggressive to reveal their true feelings. Letter writing is less threatening form of communication, because it allows the writer to "speak" uninterrupted. After a letter has been wrote, try your best to have an open and honest chat about what was written.

9. Ask these questions to yourself or your loved one who suffers from passive aggressiveness.

A. What benefits do you really get out of avoiding confrontation?
B. How do I hurt myself and others around me with my passive aggressiveness?
C. Under what circumstances do I resort to passive aggressiveness?

10. Realize this is not your fault, and try not to invest too much energy into the other person's problem. If you do, you run the risk of becoming codependent.

I hope this list has been informative. If passive aggressive behavior is a serious problem in your household, workplace, or social group, you've already started to do the best thing you can (realizing the behavior, and trying to create a better situation for all involved.)