How to Deal with School Bullying

It was 3:30 in the afternoon and the bus drops my son off exactly on time. My son runs through the door with a purpose. I did not realize at first exactly what he was doing. Just as I was about to scold him for running in the house and slamming the door, I see tears streaming down his cheeks.

He started to tell me a story about a boy in school who was picking on him for a while.

This particular day my son fought back.

While he is explaining to me what happened, the telephone rang. It was the school principal calling to tell me that my son will have detention for two weeks for engaging in a physical fight at recess.

I tried to stay calm until she was finished, but it did not work. She repeatedly told me what a bad child my son is and that they are doing something about his attitude problem. I was unable to stay calm as I tried to explain to her how wrong she is.

The school and 'witnesses' claimed that my son ran up to another boy at recess and punched him without a reason. As his mother, I knew my son would not ever hit anyone without a major reason. I also knew that he did not run because I would have gotten a phone call from the school nurse informing me that she he had to use his inhaler.

I requested a meeting at the school where the principal called me a horrible mother for sticking up for my son who 'goes around hitting people', and a teacher told me that my son is a 'retard' and should be put in a proper school.

After a thorough investigation by other parties at the school, including the superintendent of the district, the 'witnesses' finally admitted that the other boy had been harassing my son. After he hit my son that day, my son turned around and hit him back, in self-defense.

After the entire event, and the events that followed, I learned the proper avenues to deal with such situations.

Step One:

Get the full story from your child. It is important to get names of other children present, the teachers that may have been nearby, and an exact account of how your child remembers the events. One important question: Did you tell the teacher? If not, encourage your child to immediately report any future incidents to a teacher, guidance counselor, principal, or other school staff.

Step Two:

Contact your child's teacher. Explain your child's account of the event, and allow adequate time for him/her to investigate. (One school day should be more than enough. If after one school day you have not heard back, go to step three.)

Step Three:

Contact the principal. Same as step two, explain the situation and/or event and find out what s/he intends to do about it. Again, one school day should be adequate to receive some type of response, even if it is 'I'm sorry, I am still working on it.' If there is not a response, or the response is outrageous in some way, go to step four.

Step Four:

Call the school district superintendent. S/he will make sure the situation is investigated and has a responsibility to respond to you in a timely fashion. At this point, follow up with a written letter. After speaking to the superintendent on the phone, immediately send out a letter going back over the entire conversation. Copy the school principal on it, and keep a copy for yourself.

Step Five:

If at this point there is not any satisfaction, you should contact your state's education board. Any complaints made to the education board have to undergo investigation. Keep a copy of any letters sent, by either postal mail or email. It is also a good idea to keep track of the phone calls that you make, including date and time.

These are the proper steps to take with the school when dealing with your child being bullied. As a parent, you can also work with the school directly, following the above chain of command, if your child happens to be the bully.