How to Deal with Shy Children and Help Them Develop Social Skills

Shyness roots in insecurity. Shy children are not sure whether they will say or do something right, and are painfully aware that others will watch and judge them. For that reason, parents need to be very careful with judging and especially criticizing. Scolding, ridiculing, and shaming your child for being shy are big no-no's. It will only reinforce their belief that they are incapable, and therefore need to stay away from interaction with others.

Another important thing is to check your parental attitude / reactions to the child's shyness. Are you frustrated and displeased? Perhaps you are, especially if you never had such problems yourself as a kid. Well, your frustration needs to be dealt with. At the very least, it needs to be under control. First of all, accept the fact that your child has a certain personality, and do not think them in any way "inferior" to others because of it. Never allow yourself to say things like, "All other kids went and played, but mine had to sit in the corner!" - especially in the child's presence. This implies that "other kids" are better, and you would rather have them than your child.

Children want to be loved and naturally want to please their parents. Not many things are harder for a child than thinking that their parents do not love them because they are not good enough. "Oh, but it doesn't mean that I don't love them!.." Well, that's how most children take it - and often carry through life. So instead of showing your displeasure, try to offer some reassurance and build up the child's confidence. "I am so proud of you. I know you don't like being in the spotlight, and yet you were brave enough to recite the poem!" You will have to do it over and over again. Confidence-building takes time, and consistency. Also, make sure to teach your child proper manners, so that they do know what to say in different situations and how to say it politely; this will increase their confidence as well.

Hurt or humiliated once, the child will go to extreme lengths to avoid the situation in the future. And if they don't practice, they will not get better at it. This requires you to keep careful balance between not pushing your child to do what they are not comfortable with, and yet helping them to stretch their comfort zone and learn social interaction. When you come to a new place, for example, do not force the child to "go meet somebody." Instead, prepare them in advance by saying something like this: "We will go to this great party, it's going to be fun. There will be many people you do not know, so you will probably feel a little uncomfortable at first, and that's okay. You can just sit with me if you want. But if you want to go play, that's okay too." When given such choice, the child will feel more secure. There is no pressure; they can be themselves and do things at their own pace. Most of the time, they do want to join the game and make friends, they just need some time to bring themselves up to it.