How to Deal with a Spouse Who Spends Money like Water

Coping with a spouse who spends money like water is difficult at best, and absolutely impossible at worst. It all comes down to whether or not you and your spouse can come to a workable agreement or solution to the problem. My husband is a self-admitted "free-spender"... He often spends and doesn't think about the possible impact of our budget when buying things that he wants or decides he needs. This has been a source of many arguments and stress in our marriage. When you're married to an "impulse buyer", trying to follow a monthly budget can be very stressful and very difficult. The key is to try to open up the lines of communication between you and your spouse. That being said, you can't change anyone or their habits. Change comes from within, and can not be forced by another person. Don't try to change your spouse who spends money like water. I follow a modified "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em." philosophy.No, I don't spend freely, nor am I an impulse buyer. Our monthly budget simply can not afford for both of us to spend freely or give in to impulse buying. Through mutual agreement, after many months of financial strain, arguing, marital counseling and financial counseling, we've finally hit upon a solution which works for us. I handle our monthly bills and make our monthly budget. While I am doing this, handling our monthly bills and budget, I also allow for a certain amount to be set aside for his "impulse buying." He finally understands the importance of not going "over-board" with the spending and impulse buying, and is perfectly willing to go along with whatever budget I have set up for the month, as long as there is a little bit of money for him to "play" with. He has gotten a lot better over the past few months about NOT impulse buying or over-spending, and so our finances are not as strained as they were. He even calls me before using the debit card, to make sure there's enough for him to buy something he wants!

Not all couples, however, can come upon a workable solution such as my husband and I have. This is where it gets pretty tricky! As I stated before, you can't force someone to change. I'm serious! Don't even try to force your partner to change their habits or try to control their habits... It won't work, it will only serve to frustrate you further, and can even make the problem worse. By all means, try to talk to your partner and try to communicate the seriousness of the problem to them. But don't be surprised if simply talking doesn't work! Sometimes it takes something drastic happening before they become willing to change their habits, and sometimes they will never change their habits. It truly depends on the individuals involved, and how serious the problem is in the first place.

If you can't come to a workable solution, and can't communicate effectively with your spouse, then it's time for a different approach. If your spouse is willing, then marital counseling or financial counseling might be a good option. If they refuse to go, then you can still go on an individual basis, to get some support and possibly some new ideas for how to cope with their spending habits. Possibly making a new plan as far as how the finances are handled is an option. You might (if you have a lot of faith and can handle a lot of temporary stress!), put your partner completely "in charge" of paying all the monthly bills and responsible for the budget. Sometimes this is just the wake-up call that an impulse spender needs, to get get their spending habits under control. It can be really sobering to go through all the monthly bills and realize that the money simply isn't there because it was spent, and to realize there's no money for the bills. This isn't always a good option, but if you think it would get your spouse's attention, it's a thought.

If you can convince your spouse to read one, buying a budgeting or personal finance book can also help to convince your spouse to stop the excessive spending, if they are inclined to realize there's a problem. If they have a shopping or gambling addiction, there are even Twelve-Step programs out there, if they are willing to admit there's a problem. Sitting your spouse down and showing them a chart with income versus spending, and then asking them to show where the money has gone, can also be an eye-opener. Basically a "What do we have to show for this excessive spending?" approach can work in a lot of situations. I don't know of anyone who wants to go through life spending everything they have, and then have nothing to show for it. Often a person who spends money like it's water, doesn't realize how severe the problem is, and can be reformed if gently shown that their spending isn't getting them anywhere.

If nothing works, then it's ultimately up to you to decide how to handle being married to someone who constantly overspends. Seeking counseling for yourself (whether for financial or mental health), can help you make a sound decision on how to cope with your spouse who spends money like it's water. There is help out there for all situations, all you have to do is ask.