How to Deal with Your Spouse's Extramarital Affairs

It can be emotionally painful when it comes to coping with your spouse's extramarital affairs. However if both people have the desire, making the marriage work can happen. To help understand what type of impact an extramarital affair can have on a marriage and what someone can do to deal with their spouse's extramarital affairs, I have interviewed Psychotherapist Laurel B. Steinberg, LMHC.

Tell me a little bit about yourself.
"I am a Licensed Psychotherapist in private practice near Union Square, in Manhattan. I earned my graduate degrees at New York University , obtained post-graduate training in Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) at the Albert Ellis Institute , and the American Academy of Clinical Sexologists. I counsel individuals, couples and families who are seeking to overcome life's various obstacles. For more on my work, you may visit my website: www.LaurelSteinberg.com "

What type of impact can extramarital affairs have on a marriage?
"The effect of infidelity on marriages can run the gamut from immediate divorce to immediate forgiveness, with most couples falling somewhere in between. The length of the marriage, the presence of children, the couple's emotional closeness, as well as a sense that the offending party feels true remorse, all contribute to whether the parties try or are capable of getting past the affront. Although counterintuitive, infidelity can become the best thing to happen to a troubled relationship. This is because the infidelity is not usually the couple's MAIN problem, but is a SYMPTOM of an unacknowledged breakdown in the foundation of the relationship. Upon discovery of the infidelity, the parties are forced to confront their problems, opening long-closed channels of communication and giving rise to an opportunity to heal. Of course, there are much better, less risky ways to force problems into the open as infidelity is a clear violation of the mutual trust and caring fundamental to a good marriage."

How can both parties deal with extramarital affairs?
"For reconciliation to work, a sense of trust has to be restored over a period of time. The wounded spouse must believe that the other spouse is still committed to making a monogamous relationship work. The offending spouse must communicate sincere remorse, promise to not relapse, be willing to answer questions about the affair, accept that his/her future conduct will be evaluated, and not minimize the wrongness of his/her actions. If the parties decide to try to stay together they should avoid fighting and recriminations or demeaning words, look forward and not backwards, to give space for the rebirth of the relationship. If the adultery cannot be forgiven, there can be no lasting reconciliation '" and although the 'baggage' will never disappear, there are ways to store it away instead of leaving it out as a daily reminder."

What type of professional help is available for a spouse that is trying to deal with their spouse's extramarital affairs?
"If a couple decides to try to stay together, working through their problems with the aid of couples counseling can be very helpful. They can be taught effective means of communication, determine how and why things broke down, and learn to rebuild a love bond that is stronger than before. Psychotherapists also can help wounded spouses avoid falling into the common trap of believing their spouse's infidelity is their fault, or that it proves they are not worthy of love; hindering the ability to move on. Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy, the type of therapy I practice, is a therapy modality that challenges inaccurate perspectives, and is particularly useful in helping individuals handle the aftermath of adultery."

Thank you Laurel for doing the interview on tips for dealing with a spouse's extramarital affairs.

Recommended Readings:

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/5752592/how_to_overcome_your_husbands_affair.html?cat=5">How to Overcome Your Husband's Affair

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/5710780/how_to_affair_proof_your_marriage.html?cat=5">How to Affair Proof Your Marriage

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/5700688/how_to_overcome_a_spouses_affair.html?cat=5">How to Overcome a Spouse's Affair