How to Deal with Two-Faced People at Work

It's 6:00 A.M. You clock in, and see your ol' pal Maynard chewin' the fat with that asshole Rollo. Wow!, you think to yourself, Ol' Maynard sure is actin' all buddy-buddy with Rollo. I thought he hated him! You decide to sneak up and listen in on them, and there they are; makin' fun of you the same way Maynard makes fun of Rollo!

What do you do? Do you step up and loudly clear your throat? Do you tap ol' Maynard on the shoulder, and lay him out when he turns around? Do you lock yourself in the john and cry like a little girl? Seriously, there are ways to handle two-faced people at the job tactfully, diplomatically, and matter-of-factly!

There is no catch-all solution for handling this bothersome problem. Personally, I like to handle such things on a situational basis. But first and foremost, you must realize something about yourself: YOU AIN'T SPECIAL!

That's right! When So-n-so runs his pickle-washer about everyone else in the plant, what makes YOU so special that you're the only one he respects? Trust me, no matter how much the two-faced dog kisses your behind to your face, he is disrespecting you behind your back, just like everybody else! Realizing this unfortunate reality is the first step to handling these rats.

Having said that, this is one reason I have always believed in keeping your work life separate from your private life. Compartmentalization is a GOOD thing, I don't care what anybody says. Be cordial and helpful with your coworkers, but don't get sucked into the little soap operas that seem to always unfold no matter where you work. Stay out of gossip circles. Politely refuse to listen to anybody rant and rave about other workers or bosses.

Sometimes, you can't get away from the two-faced rat running his mouth. That's when you ignore him. As you let him rattle away, your replies should not contain more than three words: "Mmmm.", "Mmmm?", and "MMMMM!". Don't offer opinions one way or the other on the person being gossipped about, because these losers will always double-cross you.

If he doesn't get the message, then you have to eventually tell him point blank; "Look, I don't like gossip. Please, let's talk about something else." Usually, the pinhead gets the hint and shuts his clam hole, but because such people are petty, revenge-minded troublemakers, don't be surprised if he starts trying to stir up trouble for you!

Now, if you should be the target of this behind-the-back bullshit, handling it can be tricky. Take the opening scenario of this story: I guess you can handle it according to your personality and temperment. A naturally assertive, agressive type usually has no problem confronting the rat point blank to his weasely face. The strong, silent type might casually bring it up hours, or even days later, but a jellyfish may never bring it up at all. The first two methods are effective, because you should always confront the two-faced people when they spread gossip or rumors about you. Ignoring this behavior is just like condoning it!

Two-faced people are cowards at heart, so confronting them usually gets them to quit running their mouths about you, and move onto some other victim. Ocassionally, these cretins will try to get others turned against you. The minute you realize this is happening, it is time for a showdown, face to face with the troublemaker, preferably in front of your boss. Have your supervisor call both of you into his office so he can bear witness to the conversation, which will prevent the two-face from lying about what was said.

In the worst case scenario, the boss might take the troublemaker's side in the flap. He could be the boss' pet, nephew, or crony. But, especially in bigger companies, management tends to cut serious slack to boat-rockers, because they know these people tend to make big legal trouble for the company, and the manager who lets that happen soon finds himself unemployed. This is when it is best for you to find another job as quickly as possible. No job is worth having to put up with petty, immature people and their games.

Remember the Scriptural truth about whatever is done in the dark will eventually come to light? Well, there is a reason for such an admonishment to be included in Scripture. The heart of the scoundrel is cowardly, and they can only commit their atrocities under the cloak of darkness. Shining a light on their shenannigans blows their cover. I mean, would someone break into a house in a busy neighborhood at 4:00 in the afternoon?

If you are intimidated by the troublemaker (for fear of bodily injury or whatever), don't let that stop you. Cuts and wounds will heal, and if I have learned anything from 40 years on Earth, it's that standing up to bullies disarms them. Most of these punks don't want any trouble with the law (despite any macho blustering to the contrary), and won't start anything, but a few hard-headed morons might try and take a poke at you anyway.

Standing up to these bitches is the absolute best thing you can do. Even if they can whoop ya, when it becomes evident that no ass whoopin' is gonna stop you from doin' what you wanna do, or goin' where ya wanna go, they will stop wasting their time with you, and look for a more malleable victim.

Remember; people can control you only if you let them!

Let me finish by telling you what NOT to do in these situations. First and foremost, DO NOT GET PHYSICAL WITH THE RAT UNLESS HE ATTACKS YOU FIRST AND YOU MUST DEFEND YOURSELF!!! Seriously, I used to think you could shut a rat up by stompin' his ass, only to find out that he will then make SERIOUS trouble for you. Now, if he threatens you in a way where you fear bodily harm, as far as I am concerned, you can beat him to a bloody pulp; that is a fair punishment for someone who attempts to hurt or maim you.

Don't let your company blackmail you into sitting there like a punching bag by threatening to discharge you for fighting back. Your right to protect yourself is inalienable, and no job is worth taking physical abuse from a scumbag. Bottom line: FIGHT BACK if attacked physically, even if it means losing. I have way more respect for somebody who loses a fight than I do for somebody who throws a fight.

Second, do not "fight fire with fire" by employing the same dirty two-faced tactics used by the rat. Always take the high road. The second you lower yourself to the level of a scumbag, you become one yourself! Don't spread lies about him, gossip about him, or try to sabotage his work performance. Talk to the rat face to face, and it is best to do it in front of witnesses, so that there will be others who can attest to what was really said. When you decide to handle such a thing like a grown-up, then your antagonist looks even more immature.

Probably the best advice I have learned was, after you have handled the problem and gotten everything out in the open, then just lay back and wait! Sooner or later, such a person will make a whole lotta enemies in a hurry. It is simply a matter of letting him put his own neck in the noose, and waiting for karma to snatch the stool away!