How to Deal with Workplace Bullying

Chances are, many of you have dealt with an annoying coworker or Boss on the job. People are different, and as such react and communicate differently. There's bound to be conflict or variance of opinion from time to time. But what is the difference between not seeing eye-to eye with a coworker, finding their personality annoying, or actual workplace bullying?

Bullying is direct, intentional malice or criticism inflicted upon a person from a coworker. It can be subtle and passive-aggressive, like criticizing your work, intelligence, or appearance, or it can be as bold as downright physical violence. If this is the case, by all means call the police immediately at any sign of a physical threat. If you feel like you have a bully in the workplace that's constantly pushing your buttons, here are some steps you should try to take to resolve the issue:

1.)Go to a Manager, Owner, or someone in charge for Help. This may seem obvious, but really it's the first step that should be taken. If the business is run well, management should take care of any trouble before it starts. Most businesses nowadays require extensive sensitivity training, and there is zero tolerance for workplace harassment. However, some small businesses can squeak by without this service, as has been my experience. If Management can not or will not take steps to resolve the situation, there are other options. They first should be consulted.

2.) Consider Talking to the Bully. Do you feel like you could talk with this person? Depending on their conversation skills and how threatened you feel, this may or may not be an option. It's worth a shot. Try avoiding confrontation. Use "I" statements, such as "I feel bad when you put me down in front of the other staff members." Be honest and non-judgemental, and give the person time to express their opinions. A really good book I would recommend on ways to improve your effective assertiveness is "Civilized Assertiveness For Women" by Judith Selee McClure, Ph.D. (Albion Street Press, 2003). Even if you're not a woman, you can benefit from learning how to speak your mind clearly and purposefully, all the while avoiding direct conflict.

3.Avoidance. If talking with Management and the said person still leaves you in a bad situation, the next step is to try to find a way to spend less time with the person, if possible. See if you can arrange to work a different schedule, or to be transferred to a different department within your company. Avoidance isn't a good long-term solution, but it can help you to keep your sanity for the time being.

4.)Go To Better Business Bureau. This really is getting close to a last resort, as filing a claim against the business and the perpetraitor might put you in a difficult situation. It will, hopefully, set Management straight as to the severity of the problem. Getting a third party involved in a workplace conflict is serious business. Log on to www.bbb.org for more information.

5.)Quit Your Job. This by far is the hardest thing to do. It can be heartbreaking to find a job that you love, only to have another person wreck it for you, apparently for no other reason that they don't like you or how you do your job. Bullies tend to feed off of making a person feel as bad as they feel. They are insecure and so powerless in their lives, they must constantly put others down to feel important. Let me offer a case in point to demonstrate a bully in my life.

I started into a small business where a woman had worked there many years. The person who before had worked with her was a great friend, and the woman seemed rather bitter over her departure. Over time, she became more and more aggressive towards me, leaving notes taped all over my work station saying what a bad job I did. Then she started not speaking to me. Management did nothing, as this woman had been their steady employee for many a year. They didn't realize how much her behavior was affecting me.

She found all kinds of ways to insult me. I was not allowed to make my work area my own, while she had notes and posters and trinkets displayed everywhere. My belongings would come up missing, and bulletins I had posted on the staff bulletin board would mysteriously disappear. It was like I didn't exist there. When I tried to correspond with her, notes I had left would be burned, and their ashes strewn all over my work area. It became so apparent, that other staff members began to take notice. "What did you do?" They'd ask. I didn't know. I wanted to reconcile, but she would not accept my gestures or apologies.

In the end, I had to leave a job I loved because of this woman. It just wasn't worth the pain she caused me. It was a shame, as there were so many things I had wanted to do there, but there were many others ready and willing to take my place. People she didn't have a problem with.

I hope this doesn't happen to you. But if it does, please know there are options and hope, and life indeed does go on.