How to Make a Decent Impression on the First Date!

Well, you have got pass the awkward, "What are you doing Friday night?" And she said yes, Now, don't just leave it to chance, if you really want to make a lasting impression, do your homework. (Don't try to make the impression with sex, that just says that your easy) How do you do homework on a person you don't know? That is the not so easy but very important question, isn't it? First, LISTEN to what they say. Men you and I both know that listening isn't always that easy for us, but this is a crucial time. If you want this girl to think that you are the one, then everything they tell you (or don't say) is a clue to what they expect. Women you know what your doing, you don't have to be so cryptic, say what you mean, oh, that would just be to dad gum easy, wouldn't it?

Homework. First of all, unless you picked this person up in a bar. (the absolute worse place to meet a mate) Then you must know someone that they know. Find their best friend, their mother, their brother and ask questions. Start with, favorite food. Favorite types of movies. (woman love chick flicks and guys like action and everybody likes comedy) Make a list of questions so that you don't forget anything. Take your time and make a list that helps you decide if this person is going to meet your expectations. I remember when I was about twenty and I figured out that there was no such thing as a perfect woman. This is as true now as it was then. If you are looking for the perfect mate, be willing to overlook something about them. Back to our homework. What you are trying to find out is what is going to knock this person off guard and loosen them up so that they are willing to share the truth. We all are totally different people when we are trying to impress our potential mates. Why? Because we think that who we really are isn't going to be good enough. Those of you with the two million dollar houses and a new vet in the drive are the exception. You know that you are the greatest thing since sliced bread, but she probably just sees a jerk. Do not come off like you can get anyone you want, it drives off all but the shallowest of girls. Think about it.

Romance. My friends, when trying to make an impression on a girl, there is no more important word in the dictionary. Try to take her somewhere she has never been, so long as it fits her personality. You take a goth girl to the cemetery for a mid-night picnic, the valley girls (if there is still such a thing) will probably run home screaming bloody murder. Chose wisely. Carriage rides through the park are cliche, however, that stuff is cliche because it works. If that is what you are planning, come up with a twist. Hire a coach and buggy and bring a picnic of her favorite food. Or try having a personal chef make a meal at her favorite location, whether it is along side a creek bank or in a park in the middle of town. Heck, if she likes the roof top of the local five and dime, make it happen there. I once took a girl out into the middle of a corn field (drove right out in the middle of it). I brought a nice little basket of cheese and crackers and soda. If you choose to bring wine, don't keep filling her glass, she will think your trying to take advantage. After two glasses, say "I think we have had enough, let's save this for later." If she says, "Oh, I like it, one more glass." Then maybe it's o.k. just remember to make it her choice and don't force it. If she does have too much to drink, do the right thing and take her home. DO NOT TRY ANYTHING....That just makes you look like a perv and will kill any chance you may have. If she tries to take advantage, she just might be o.k. for the day, but not the one to bring home to meet the parents. Know what I mean.

Setting is important. This my friends is not a time to wing it. Say you decide to go with the personal chef at the creek. Make sure you have someone get there first and have at least thirty to fifty candles all over the place. (Make sure they all smell the same, and that she gets them all when your done, make sure it's her favorite scent) If you don't get a chance to find out first, go with citrus or vanilla, almost everyone loves those. Another thing you can do is have little stands made that have little mirrors on the back so that you get allot of refracted light. Just to make it appear as if there are five times more candles than you could afford. There are a million different ways that you can improve the setting, thing is, make sure that you control it and have it prepared in advance. Note, and this is important. DO NOT GO TO YOUR HOME/APARTMENT on the first date, even if she asks. This is a no-no. A woman takes an invite to your home as a direct advance to the bedroom. (of course if your over twelve, you should know this already) If you choose to take her to a hockey rink with twenty thousand screaming hooligans along with you. Make it special in some other way. You could bring her a puck with a heart and her name on it. (Sounds cheesy, I know, but cheesy works more often than you think) You would only bring a girl to hockey if she is a huge fan. If she is, don't try to explain the game, odds are she knows more about it than you do. There is a saying that I have heard credited to Mark Twain and Abraham Lincoln, (I am not sure who really said it, but in either case it is always true) It is better to remain silent and thought a fool than to speak up and remove all doubt.

Next step.... Dinner and a movie....Cliche is cliche because it works. If you live outside of a major metropolitan area, a movie may be all that she has ever been to. This is a great time to take her to a play or to the symphony or even to a museum. (especially if they are having an exhibition that relates to her interests) I once took a girl (my current girl of thirteen years) to the Pyramid in Memphis Tennessee to see the Czar's of Russia exhibit. That was great, hundreds of years worth of thrones and assorted objects. Gave her the impression of being a princess. Not such a bad idea is it? We then spent the night in Tunica and gambled at the Horseshoe Casino. Make a point that if you do something like that to set a limit for what you will spend and let HER spend it. Do not leave her side in any situation like that as it may give another potential mate a chance to take advantage of the ground work that you have done. Whatever you choose to do, make it about her.

Stay focused....If she likes cats and wants to talk about her favorite kitty for two hours, DO NOT DRIFT or appear bored. This can be fatal and can cost you the second date. Most women decide in the first thirty minutes if you are going to get another date and at the same time they decide whether they will have you or not. (Don't make me spell it out for you) In either case, they will change their mind in the blink of an eye if you make the slightest mistake. No matter what she talks about, it is the most important thing in the world. THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD....I cannot stress this enough. Most people do not realize it, but their favorite subject in the world is themselves. This is especially true of women. DO NOT GO ON ABOUT YOURSELF. Unless she asks you a direct question, keep the conversation about her. BE INTERESTED. I don't care if she collects tolls at a booth, at this point, it is the most interesting subject in the world. STAY FOCUSED ON HER....

The don'ts.....DON'T take anyone else's side in an argument. Say for example, she is telling you about a problem at work with a co-worker and you know that she was at fault. She is right, they were wrong, what a jerk that person is not to see how right she was...GET IT? DON'T show any possible aggression toward anyone. If someone cuts you off in traffic, (we all know that you want to give them the finger and cuss them like a dog) DON'T....Even if you have an aggressive side to yourself, explain to her that you do loose your temper, but that you are not violent. (This is a conversation for the third or fourth date....not the first) DON'T cuss the waiter for spilling hot spaghetti on your new Calvin Klein shirt. Heck, it is just a shirt and your trying to win this girl over. This guy may be trying to impress your date himself. He might even know her and is trying to push you, don't take the bait..DON'T bully anyone or make fun of anyone even if they are asking for it. I know that sometimes it's just too easy and you want to say, "DUH" but this is not the time. Show compassion. DON'T say a word about the little baby that is crying it's tail off and ruining your peaceful evening, unless it is to say, "what a cute little guy, I wonder why he is so upset, poor thing" compassion with value. If she is looking for the future father of her children. She wants to know that you are good with kids. That means that the little guy who just grabbed your crotch with gravy hands is a "cute little fellow who had no idea what he was doing." Instead of the "#*@$!! little brat that ruined my $80.00 slacks." GET IT!!!

ALWAYS defend the ladies honor. A girl doesn't want a cave man who she thinks might beat her up, but she does want a guy who can protect her and her future children. SO, If some guy stares at her all night and makes her uncomfortable, take care of it in a way that let's her know that your a gentleman who is prepared to defend her honor. I was on a date with my girl when we first me, probably the thirtieth date or so. Anyway this guy kept staring at her all night. So, I excused myself to go to the restroom and made a point to walk by him. When I got to him, I put my hand on his shoulder and pushed down hard so that he couldn't get up. Then I told him to go home and @%$** off, loud enough where the surrounding tables could here but where she could not. He was extremely embarrassed. Then I quietly told him that if he didn't quit staring, I was going to beat him to within an inch of his life. She saw that I was defending her honor, but that I did not resort to violence.

DO'S... When you pick her up, tell her that "It could get a little chilly, would you like to bring a jacket?" If she chooses not to bring a jacket and it does get cool, give her your jacket, no exceptions, I don't care if your freezing to death and have a the flu. DO....Go directly to her side of the car and open the door. (This is super important and should be done every time that you ride together even if you have been together for thirty years) ALWAYS, ALWAYS open the door for them, car door, house door, restaurant door and every other door that you could possible access. DON'T FORGET.... DO...Bring flowers. (Homework, does she like cut flowers or hates them because they die, does she like live plants that she can keep) Do the homework and find out what her favorite flowers are. Make sure that if you are going to ask her out that you have time to put everything together. If you ask a girl out for Friday and it is already Thursday, how are you going to get "Bird of Paradise" flowers for her overnight? Not going to happen. DO...Distinguish yourself from all the other jerks who have darkened her door. Whether you realize it or not, you are being judged against every guy that she has ever met including her father. Sounds kinda creepy, but it is sooooo true that Freud wrote a whole book on the subject. The whole point of this exercise is to be the SPECIAL one. When you meet the girl that warrants all of the work that you are going to need to do, you will know it.

Know the difference between love and lust. Sounds kinda crazy I know, but when we are young, we tend to confuse the two. I know that I did. In fact, I fell in lust with so many girls, but I have only fell in love with a couple of them. Sit back and think it through before you go through with all of this. If you think that she is the one, do it all, put in the time and do the work, do extra work, it will be worth it. You might be competing against someone you don't know about, however, if he has more money, a bigger house and a multi-million dollar trust fund, if you do it right, you will win the girl every time. When it comes to romance, he might have the bigger budget, but with the right homework and the right setting along with the right attitude, he wont have a chance. If you go through all of this for a girl whom you are simply in lust with, you might get what you want, but you will hurt her so much more than anyone deserves. GET IT!!!

MORE DON'TS....When two people meet, especially when they are older, they bring allot of baggage with them into the relationship. On a first date, don't open the luggage and rummage through it. Oh, you can tell her that you have been broke up for a few months and that you have only dated three girls, but do not tell her how great the girl was or that you have slept with fifty women. They don't want to know. This is a conversation best left for mature relationships. DON'T ask about her ex's, it doesn't matter and it will just be like a bur under a saddle. Not to bad to begin with but makes you sore after a few miles, know what I mean. If it turns out that this is the one, you don't really want to know about everything. There are some things that you should be honest about and others that are best left alone. If you were once engaged to someone that she is likely to know or meet, then you should tell her, eventually. NOT on the first date. Same with her, there are important items that one should know and others best left to die under the rocks. Only you two can decide what is best left on the table or not, but don't bring up the issue at all on the first date. DON'T tell her how much her eyes remind you of the girl you dated in high school. DON'T tell her that you lost your virginity to a stripper when you were fifteen. (True story that my girl or any of my other ex's knew about)

DON'T....Tell her about your fantasies even if she asks. Make something up like, "growing old with a beautiful lady and having twenty grandkids to spoil." Don't say, "To be stranded on a island with three blonds." Not a good choice...If you do say something about marriage (which you should totally avoid on the first date) but if it comes up. Make general statements, be vague like a fortune cookie. DON'T.....Tell her how pretty another girl is. If she asks who your favorite starlet is, don't jump back with Kate Beckinsale, especially if the girl your with is the opposite of the girl you say....Try not to answer, a good answer would be, "Weren't you in Coyote Ugly?" DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT check out another girl ever when your on a date. I don't care if it is Kate Beckinsale and she is staring at you eating a carrot, DO NOT look at another woman. That is the death knell. You might as well just go over and hump the girls leg if you look at her with more than a passing glance. When I was with my second wife, we were in a Super super market (which I will not advertise for) and this girl walked by the checkout and she was HOT, HOT, HOT.... I got caught, this wasn't like our first date, but I will never forget the hate that came out of that woman's eyes. With a quick save I said, "Just making sure I still have the best!!" Not a good choice, I slept on the couch for a couple of days.....

By now you should get it, at least I hope so, there are ways to distinguish yourself from the crowd. That is what you have to do. If a girl agrees to go out with you, you have won half the battle. That "NO" from a potential mate is the hardest thing in the world to take, worse than a punch in the stomach. But once you are out on the field, that is where you have to weed out the other candidates. You cannot do this by making them look bad, they have to do that on their own. The only way is to make yourself look good. Be confident but not arrogant. Be strong but not brutal. Be sweet but not a sap. Be kind but not a chump. Finally the most important piece of advice there is for anyone looking for a mature strong relationship. The number one thing in a man that women are looking for is stability. You don't have to be rich, you don't have to be great looking. But you do have to be stable. It wasn't that long ago that some cute R&B girl band had a song about, "don't want no scrub." That is exactly what they were talking about. Women want STABILITY, STABILITY, STABILITY. They want to know that you will always be able to take care of them and any future children. And that my friends is the secret.....GOOD LUCK CHUCK....(I have no idea who chuck is, it just rhymed) Later.....ZGRINCH......