How to Decide to Live with Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend

Husbands and wives generally live together. This is because they have made a lifetime commitment to each other to share their lives. What this means is that money often becomes shared, and lives are built together. Couples will then have children together, and raise those children under one roof.

The situation is different when you are just dating someone. You don't know everything about the person. You don't know their financial past, and you don't know where things are going. You probably have no children together. This article will explore how to decide whether to live with your boyfriend or girlfriend, discussing ten things you should know and do before you live together.

1. Figure out where things are going. If you know the relationship is not going to last, you should think long and hard before moving in with the person. Eventually, things will come to an end, and then you'll have to figure out who's going to move out, etc. There may even be deep upset on one side, especially if one of you doesn't realize things aren't going to last forever and comes to rely on that (since you did move in together, for goodness sake.)

If you really have to move in, make sure to set clear boundaries of what this means, and clear guidelines of how long the living arrangements will last. Put things in writing.

2. Know the person's background. You may think it is ridiculous or spying, but it can't hurt to do a background check on your boyfriend or girlfriend before they move in with you. If you don't want to go behind his or her back, have a discussion about it together and agree to have both of your backgrounds checked and share the information. If you get hesitation during this discussion, perhaps someone actually does have something to hide.

A background check will provide you with all types of useful information. You can find out past drug or alcohol convictions, such as previous dwi's or drug possession convictions. You can find out if someone has had any civil judgments against them, such as failure to pay a bill that was then taken to court. You can find out if they are secretly married. The possibilities are endless.

3. Know the person's financials. Before you move in with someone, it is very useful to know if the person is flat broke or has some savings. If you move in with someone who lives month to month and that person loses their job, then you may be stuck paying all of the bills until a job is found. In this economy, who knows when that could be! You also want to know if the person has any bill commitments that would make them unable to contribute fairly to the bills at your home. If they pay child support of $1000 per month, you need to know this.

4. Talk about and learn about financial beliefs and financial actions. Discuss what would happen if one of you loses a job. Do you agree on who would pay the bills? Or, do you agree that the person has one month to get a new job and still has to maintain their half of the bills? This discussion is very important, because left unsaid, your partner may have any set of beliefs of what happens in tough times that you may flatly disagree with.

After you learn about financial beliefs, if you don't have the same views, it doesn't mean things are doomed. You could simply find a way to agree on what would happen in certain situations, as a compromise. Remember to put this all in writing.

5. Know the person. You should never move in with someone you don't know. It takes about a year to really get to know someone. This is why many people know someone a year or two before deciding to get married. You really need to know what the person is like, inside and out. Does the person keep commitments? Does the person take responsibility for financial matters? Does the person make sure to be available for special events?

6. Consider any issues seriously. If your girlfriend has a drug abuse or alcohol addiction problem, realize what this means. It means there will be all kinds of issues that you will have to deal with. You might have to deal with the loss of driving privileges, which means you will be responsible for all driving. The addiction to drugs could mean that money that was meant for bills gets spent on illegal substances. Theft may even start to occur (such as money disappearing from your wallet.) Can you, and do you want to, deal with these issues?

7. Discuss bill responsibility. Who will pay what? What happens if one of you changes jobs or loses a job, who pays what bills then? Break things down specifically. For example, if you are the one who has to pay the phone bill, what happens if the other person runs up a $1000 phone bill that month. Is there any recourse for you? Put this all in writing.

8. Talk about use of the home and guests. Is there any room that will be off limits to one of you, that is private? Who is allowed to be in the home when one of you isn't there? For example, is your boyfriend able to have female guests over for parties while you're out of town? Make sure this is all clear.

9. Get somewhere together, new for both of you. Problems can arise when one of you moves in with the other one, into their already established home. The new person may not feel welcome. The person already there may become possessive and not want things changed. If you decide to move in an already existing home, talk in detail about what will happen beforehand. Can walls be painted, decorations changed, etc.?

10. Discuss how you will have your own private time in the home. Often, arguments will ensue because there is no way to get away from the other person anymore. When you lived separately, you could just retreat to your own homes. Now, there may be nowhere to hide. Maybe you could have a room that is used when one of you wants to be alone. When someone is there, the other person respects that. Or, each of you has an evening each week when the other one does something else to give you time alone in the home.

Bonus 11. Talk, talk and talk some more. If you're going to be able to make things work living together, you have to be able to talk. This should be a big signal if your girlfriend isn't willing to discuss an issue that arises. Make sure you have open communication before making the decision to live at one address.