How to Decide Who to Vote for in the 2008 Presidential Election or in Any Other Election

The 2008 presidential election is upon us. Some of us are decidedly in favor of John McCain, while others are set on voting for Barack Obama. Others are undecided between John McCain and Barack Obama. Although the proper way to decide which candidate to vote for is to carefully examine each candidate and make an informed decision, this article will examine humorous ways to reach that decision.

Flip a coin: If it is heads, John McCain, tails Barack Obama, or vise versa. You can do one flip, best of three, best of five, etc. Should the coin land on edge, vote for a minor party candidate then seek the 2012 presidential nomination as a candidate in either the republican or democrat party. The coin should not be flipped over mud or on a sticky surface.

Use Text Analysis: Select a random paragraph from the speeches of Barack Obama and John McCain. In the John McCain speech, look for a 'B' then an 'A' until Barack Obama is spelled out. The words "Barack Obama" cannot be used in this determination and must be skipped over. Count the number of characters needed to spell "Barack Obama". Then, using the Barack Obama speech, spell out John McCain. The words "John McCain" cannot be used. Before you actually do this, you must decide if spaces are to be counted and if the winning candidate will be the one who needs the fewest or the most letters. Compare the number of letters and vote for the winning candidate. You can also take from the speeches of Joe Biden and Sarah Palin. If you are tied, vote for a minor party candidate and seek the nomination for governor in your state in 2010.

Let the candidates' names add up: Barack Obama has eleven characters in his name, while John McCain only has ten letters. So we have to use the John McCain middle initial, "S" while Barack Obama doesn't have to worry. We write letters A through Z on a piece of paper. Using two dice, we roll them for each letter, therefore assigning a value of between two to twelve for each letter. Then we add the values of each letter the names of John McCain and Barack Obama together and vote for the candidate with the highest total. In case of a tie, we will use Sarah Palin and Joseph Biden. The only way to make this one work is to again single out the republican candidate, Sarah Palin, and use her middle initial, which is "L" That way, Sarah Palin and Joseph Biden have the same number of letters. Repeat the same process and vote for the winner. If the results are still tied, vote for a minor party candidate and run for mayor in your city or town in 2009.

Test your accuracy: Go to your recycling bin and select two tin cans. Assign the left-wing can to Barack Obama and the right-wing can to John McCain. Then stand these up on a table or fence about two feet apart. Gather a pile of rocks, and from forty four feet away, aim alternately at each can. If the left-wing Barack Obama can is hit first, vote for Barack Obama. If the right-wing John McCain can is hit first, vote for John McCain. If the John McCain can flies to the left and knocks over the Barack Obama can, vote for a conservitive minor party candidate and seek election to the US Senate as a republican. If the Barack Obama can flies to the right and knocks over the John McCain can, vote for a liberal minor party candidate and seek election to the US senate as a democrat. If the stone splits in half in the air and each half knocks over a can, go to a gas station and buy fourty-four lottery tickets and forget about John McCain and Barack Obama.

These methods of picking a candidate are meant for your enjoyment and humor, and I in no way recommend actually using them to decide whom to vote for. Picking the next president is a very serious matter and it is best to take a good look at John McCain and Barack Obama, what they stand for, and how their strengths and weaknesses factor into the nation's future. Every vote does count no matter what the polls say. People are changing their minds all the time and your vote is very important. I hope this piece provides the needed laughter to refresh the mind during this election.