How to Make a Decision

"Those who restrain their desires, do so because theirs is weak enough to be restrained." - William Blake

These days we tend to use language rather gratuitously, saying very powerful words in a non-chalant, colloquial manner - "I LOVE these shoes", "I NEED to go to that concert". However, while you might appreciate or admire the shoes, you're not really in love with them, and while you might enjoy seeing your favorite band live, you're not going to perish if you don't, therefore, the real meaning behind the expression is skewed. If we go around using over-ambitious verbs like "need" and "want" to describe everyday things of no true substance, it's really no wonder we have trouble figuring out what's important in our lives. When I ask people, "What do you want?" the responding silence is usually deafening. People have a hard time focusing in on the things that they truly desire. We all have catch phrases such as, "I want to win the lottery", "I want world peace", "I want to have a baby"...but oftentimes, these wants don't have any sort of execution plan behind them, making them nothing more than empty wishes that will most likely remain as such.

So how do we determine what we really want and need? In order to create a realistic list of what's important to us, it really is imperative to first get a pen and some paper. I am a staunch believer in writing down important things, and now that we're figuring out what's important to us, it deserves to be written down.

My first recommendation is to brainstorm. Ask yourself the hard question of, "What do I want?" and write down everything that comes to mind. Everything. Even the things that seem silly. Even if your brain tells you that what you really want is to go waterskiing with Bono, write it down. This could take up 2 lines, or it could take up 10 pages, but writing down everything you can think of will give you the platform from which to jump. It will empty your head of those ideas and make room for the next step.

Once you have your list, go through it from the beginning, reading each item and really thinking about the importance, the priority and the potential of each item on your wish list. For instance, while we'll say may be an iota of potential for you to actually go waterskiing with Bono, in comparison with your desire to fix the leaking bathroom sink, Bono loses out on the priority list (though both items do involve a lot of water). Being realistic is important in this step, but I encourage you to keep some big dreams in there. Yes, you would like to go to France, and that is a very realistic want, but if you're a film maker and wanted to go to France to watch the premiere of your movie at Cannes, then leave that in there, too.

Now that you've culled your list so that it contains the things you want according to importance, priority and potential, you are ready to decide which item(s) you will tackle. If you're new to this process, then I would recommend taking a baby step and choosing one item only with a fairly high potential. This way, the likelihood of completing this goal is great and each success leads to the next one - it just takes that first win to get the ball rolling.

Making The Decision

Before we can make a decision to pursue our goals, we should know what a decision really is. Tony Robbins, the motivational speaker and self-help guru, has said that a decision is when you cut off the possibility of anything else happening. In fact, the word "decision" is derived from the Latin word meaning "to cut". If there is no other option, then successful execution is basically guaranteed. Think about it - if you "decide" to quit smoking (high importance, high priority, good potential) - and I mean REALLY decide...then there is no other option. You will quit smoking. However, I will warn you that until you hit that cut off switch in your brain, you may have a hard time.

For instance, let's say your goal is to quit smoking because your family is worried for your health. This is a very good reason, but it's not necessarily your choice and so it may not be enough of a reason to flip that switch in your head. You may make a valiant effort to quit and stock up on patches and gum but statistics show that you have a high chance of falling back into old patterns and smoking again because you didn't "cut off" that option. However, let's say you had a particularly bad bout of bronchitis and your doctor told you that if you did not quit smoking, you have a strong likelihood of developing lung cancer and dying. With these black and white consequences laid out before you, you have a decision to make. You can quit smoking or you can take your chances and die a painful, early death. For the sake of this article, let's assume you would rather not die a painful, early death and suddenly, the switch in your brain cuts off your desire to smoke. Not only will you no longer smoke, there will also probably be no cravings, no withdrawals, no temptations to smoke as long as that decision is there.

So to make a decision, two things need to happen:

1. The decision needs to be for you. You can listen to people's advice and recommendations and you can heed their wishes, but until it means something to YOU, you will not find lasting success.

2. There needs to be no other option. If you decide to lose weight, eating outside of your weight loss plan is no longer an option. If you decide to get a new job, staying in your old job is no longer an option. If you decide to adopt a dog, not having a dog is no longer an option.

After the Decision

"Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Mr. Emerson and a slew of other very smart people can't be wrong. Once you decide on something, it will happen. It's rather miraculous and requires a great deal of faith in yourself, but it will happen. Some people call this "visualization". If you can see it, you can be it. Personally, I believe in this method. I've found that saying something out loud to make it real, or putting an idea out into the universe, or imagining my life with the decision in play, is actually the first step in the process of achieving a goal. From there on, it's somewhat of a domino affect.

The trick to visualization is TRULY believing in what you're doing. Many people's downfall occurs when they don't believe that their decision has no other option. Remember the smoking scenario above? I said that the choices were "quit smoking" or "die". Given those choices, most of us would choose to stop smoking (I hope!). However, our brains are tricky and we might say to ourselves, "Yes, those are two options, but there's a third option - I could continue smoking and NOT get lung cancer." Well, I suppose this is possible. But it's a gamble. Our minds like to gamble sometimes, because it provides us with just enough of an excuse to avoid the work necessary in making a change. "I could get a new job, or I could just stick it out here at the old job and HOPE it gets better." That's a gamble. "I could eat well and exercise and lose 50 pounds or I could keep doing what I'm doing and MAYBE the weight will just fall off me." Definitely a gamble. Not even a gamble, really - more of a pipe dream.

The bottom line is, we can sit back and see how things pan out and "gamble" or we can take charge of our lives and make a change that will give us calculated benefits. I say, take charge!

If At First You Don't Succeed...

"Whenever I make a bum decision, I go out and make another one." - Harry S Truman

The most important thing about making a decision - any decision - is to be able to learn from your mistakes. The decision could be as big as deciding to open your own business or as ordinary as deciding to make a left on Maple Avenue. Either option may seem like a great idea, and either option may be what you want at the moment, but you may find upon opening that business or taking that left, that you made a mistake.

The first thing that you need to do is congratulate yourself for taking the initial step. You made a decision and you saw it through which in and of itself is something that a rare few peope actually do.

· The next thing to do is to learn from this mistake. What could you have done better? Where did your planning fail? Did you need more time, more resources? Do you need to rehash the plan from the start or can you pick up where you left off? Has this mistake been the catalyst to discovering another need or want that you never even knew existed?

· Finally, get up and do it again. Once you can see what lessons you learned from your last attempt, find the strength to start the process again. It may not be the same plan, it may not be the same idea, but the important thing is to continue moving forward, for as they say, practice makes perfect. In the end perseverance really does pay off.

No matter the decision, doing SOMETHING is the key. I encourage you to take just the first step and discover what it is you really want in your life. It may inspire you to actually go and get it.