How to Defeat Conservatives Once and for All

Can you keep a secret?

I'm quitting. And what I'm quitting could cost me dearly.

I'm quitting the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy (VRWC)

I'm tossing over with my Liberal Brothers and Sisters, who sometimes like to be called "progressives", but never socialists or communists or Marxists.

My reason for switching is easy. I want to go back to my youth and be enraged over issues like war, "the establishment", the "man" and the earth.

It won't be hard to hop into the Wayback Machine. I was there when it started, and I have a good, a very good memory.

I will return to the days of my youth, grow beard again, smoke dope, get righteous and look for some over -the- hill hippie chicks that are bound to be on some lost commune somewhere.

Peace, Love and Understanding! That will be me, personified.

Before I left though, I took all the secrets of the VRWC and will expose them as time goes on, but first I will tell my new Liberal Brothers and Sisters how to take down the average and above average Conservative.

It's so easy, yet it's so rarely tried.

Pay attention:

1. Learn to talk Conservative's Language -- Most liberals fail at this, because they are so polar opposite of Conservatives. Understand that Conservatives don't automatically hate the United States and blame it for all the world ills. Conservatives think the US does more good in the world than bad. Conservatives usually bristle at the idea of using tax dollars to underwrite welfare and social programs and even despise corporate welfare, a surprise to most liberals. Most Conservatives don't like government at any level intruding on their lives, something my new Liberal associates clamber for all all times. Conservatives, by and large, are happy people, unlike Liberals who are always complaining.

2. Learn to Laugh -- Most Conservatives enjoy a hearty laugh and can even laugh at themselves, unlike virtually all Liberals. What you need to do is ashcan the Al Frankens, who was the Liberal comedy icon for many years, and whose best stab at humor was to call Rush Limbaugh fat (like he couldn't see that himself). The average Liberal spends his or her or his/her transgendered life in a rage. Some ragers are even here on Associated Content, writing and fuming over issues large and small. I suggest starting the Liberal School of Comedy. It may be a couple of years before you can find a funny Liberal, but there's hope.

3. Hope -- Yes, this is all tied in. Conservatives tend to put stock in themselves and their efforts, so they retain some degree of control. Liberals are happy to be on the Federal and State plantations, accepting whatever they get from "Old Massa", and then going back to their slave quarters and complaining about how the world is just so unfair. Liberals, pretend that you have hope, and engage in dragging down even the most optimistic Conservative. Sooner or later, even the most positive amongst them will believe the sky full of Global Warming has fallen.

These are just three methods. I'll be outlining more as time goes on. I would start my own school to defeat Conservatives, and charge interested Liberals and Liberal groups to attend, but that would be too much like a Conservative, and I've left the fold. Profit is bad, evil. See, this is costing me dearly.

I'm feeling very good about all this. It's coming back!

Dare I say, "Right On!"?