How to De-Glamorize Teen Pregnancy for Your Teen

With movies like "Juno," shows like "16 and Pregnant," and pictures of teen moms like Jamie Lynn Spears gushing about their newborn babies, it isn't difficult to see why teenagers are making pregnancy pacts. While it is certainly not the fault of movie makers or celebrities who are trying to make the best of things, younger teens, especially those under the age of 16, might misinterpret these images as being symbols of strength, respect, and instant adulthood. While they may have the "instant adulthood" part right, as a parent you know all too well that it won't be the adulthood they're dreaming of with all of its rights and privileges. To further illustrate this to your teen, try highlighting a few of the facts below for your daughter during your next conversation together.

Unglamorous Teen Pregnancy Fact #1: Teenagers have a much more difficult birthing process than adult women. While childbirth is no piece of cake in itself, it can be especially daunting for a young teen. Increased risk of complications is a scary part of the ordeal. As a teen is not quite fully developed physically yet, both the infant and the mother are put in danger.

Unglamorous Teen Pregnancy Fact #2: Freedom for teen moms is decreased, not increased. Many teenagers have the impression that because a pregnancy can lead to legal emancipation, it will mean they are free to go ahead and start their lives as they had planned. The hard truth is, teen mothers are often even more dependent upon their parents for financial support (not to mention babysitting and child care training) after a child is born. Being unable to find jobs that pay more than minimum wage makes it almost impossible for a teen to go it alone with a child, and that means almost total dependence on someone else for several years.

Unglamorous Teen Pregnancy Fact #3: Having one child too soon can mean never having more. While teens may think they can raise one child fairly easily, an often overlooked fact is that once your family is started, there is a very real time table to deal with. If the child is ever to have siblings close to his/her age, another pregnancy will have to come about in just a few short years. Since that's not a wise option, all family planning is thrown out the door and the lives of both the child and the teen are thrown off tremendously. You can forget about having children even remotely close in age, which may mean having to decide never having another child at all after the difficulties of raising the first one have subsided. This can also greatly impact any future marriage plans.

Unglamorous Teen Pregnancy Fact #4: Most friends bail when the baby's born. While they may be there for the baby shower or to help her tell her parents about the ordeal, most teen girls don't know what to do once a friend actually gives birth. They, of course, will continue to go out on the weekends, date, go to school dances, and make new friends. After a while they will figure out that their old friend can almost never go out with them due to mothering responsibilities, and they will eventually just stop calling. They might say that she can bring the baby along, but that gets old (and awkward) very quickly. Teen moms face a great deal of loneliness once reality hits.

Unglamorous Teen Pregnancy Fact #5: Being a teen mom only lasts a few years, and then you're in your twenties with a much older child. What so many teens fail to recognize is that the difficulties associated with pregnancy do not stop when the baby is born. Your daughter may want to wear that "teen mom" tag now, but will she be just as thrilled to have a fifteen year old child when she's thirty? What will her own child think of having such a young mother? How will she finance her dreams in the future while paying for braces, school supplies, soccer uniforms, pizza parties, sleepovers, toys, brand name clothes, and all of the things she'll want to buy for her child? How will dragging a child around a college campus amongst intellectuals who do not prize teen pregnancy feel? While it might be the trend in high school, there is a lot more life coming and a child soon learns to walk, talk, and demand a great deal of attention. Explain to your teen how old a child born to her in the next year will be when she's twenty, thirty, forty, fifty, and so on, and how that will affect her. Having a ten year old at twenty five isn't glamorous. Waiting is much more chic.

If you still don't feel your teen is convinced, find an adult who was once a teen mother who can explain to her what she had to sacrifice. She will of course love her child, and won't want to trade that child for anything in the world, but it is also likely that she will explain how waiting a few years could have made life much less challenging for the both of them. Remember in your next conversation together to emphasize that pregnancy only lasts nine months, but a child is forever.