How to Demonstrate Acceptance of Your Daughter-in-law

Contrary to popular opinion, mothers-in-law are human and normally only want to see their sons settled and happy. So why is it that they have developed such a bad reputation for mistreating their daughters-in-law? A lot of it has to do with their own insecurities and jealousies as they make way for a new woman in their son's life. They want to keep hold of their son's love, affection and loyalty. They sometimes see the daughter-in-law as an intruder who will take all that away from them, rather than a person who will enrich their son's wife. It is best not to jump to conclusions right away, but start off on a positive note. Here are some ways that a mother-in-law should treat her son's new wife.

How to Demonstrate Acceptance of Your Daughter-in-law #1 Get to know her

A mother-in-law will score points if she makes a conscious effort to get to know her new daughter-in-law. If she has not already had a chance to get to know her well prior to the wedding, she can do so afterwards. Where did she grow up? Does she have any siblings? What are her interests? Some wives complain that their mother-in-law shows no personal interest in them and only ever talks about herself and her own family. But by being open and focusing more on her daughter-in-law, a mother-in-law can dispel such accusations before they have had a chance to develop.

How to Demonstrate Acceptance of Your Daughter-in-law #2 Try to get along!

The woman who has become your daughter-in-law should not be treated as a temporary feature in your son's life. She is not one in a long line of girlfriends. She is his wife and she may one day become the mother of your grandchildren. So as such, she deserves to be treated with respect. Try to get along with your daughter-in-law. Do not insist that your way of doing things is better than hers. This is viewed as very rude and disrespectful by another woman who is your equal, not your inferior. Your daughter-in-law may be younger, but that does not mean she is an inexperienced child who needs to be guided into how to become a good wife. She may have much more experience in other areas of life that you have only ever dreamed of, such as knowing another language, travelling to other countries and sampling other cultures. Do not dismiss her as young and naive, but appreciate what she has to offer your son and you will hopefully start to like her for her own merits. There is no hard and fast rule that you must love her. You will not feel for your daughter-in-law what you feel for your son or other family members. But a cordial relationship should not be totally out of your reach.

How to Demonstrate Acceptance of Your Daughter-in-law #3 Do not try to mother your daughter-in-law

It may work with your son, but do not expect your daughter-in-law to accept your attempts to mother her. Well meaning advice is fine if you direct it at your son. He will probably accept it. But it may be taken the wrong way if you do the same with your son's wife. She may misconstrue it as criticism, so be careful about what you say and how you say it.

How to Demonstrate Acceptance of Your Daughter-in-law #4 Title

Some mothers-in-law want to be called "mum" by their daughters-in-law right away. This is acceptable for some women who will gladly refer to their new mother-in-law as "mum". But there are many daughters-in-law who shrink from this. It is a personal decision and should not be forced upon your son's wife. She may be very close to her own mother and only feel comfortable with calling you by your first name. Or your daughter-in-law's own mother may have died and she feels that calling someone else "mum" would be betraying her memory. Do not take it as a personal insult. Remember that you have not raised her from birth, so you do not have any automatic claims of filial loyalty from her.

The mother-n-law/daughter-in-law relationship can take quite some time to adjust to. Even within nuclear families, people do not always get along, so do not expect perfection when your son gets married. Try to at least get to know one another and hopefully, you can grow in one another's affections.