How to Detect Verbal Abuse in an Adult Relationships

"You know I love you, don't you?"

This is an all too common question an abusive partner will ask his victim. Manipulation is a common trait among abusers and in their world this seems to them a sincere declaration of love.

Most of the victims of verbal abuse are almost always women. Almost 98% to be exact. Verbal abuse is a form of abuse that does not leave physical scars, but has the capacity to leave longer lasting emotional trauma. Many verbally-abused victims are in extreme self-denial and do their best to convince themselves their abuser really does care for them and perhaps somehow they've done something wrong, or incited this behavior themselves through their own actions. Victims live in a constant state of self-denial and often mask their pain by living in the future. "Someday, he'll be better", "When we have more money, or he's happier in his job, he'll change" are some of the things a emotionally-battered woman might tell herself.

Victims will also, often times, excuse their abuser's behavior, and defend them to anyone who dares disparage their loved one. Victims live in a constant state of confusion. They will possess self-doubt as to what is actually happening, possibly even to begin to think this is "normal" in a relationship. There's also a lot of self-blame that plays out in their minds. "Maybe, I shouldn't have said that to him", "I should have waited until he was in a better mood" or "I can't believe I was so selfish". Anything, that will put their mind at ease and take the burden off the abuser.

Over time, the abused will tolerate this act and slowly come to accept this as a form of normal everyday interaction. Extreme low self-esteem will follow and more than likely physical abuse will be inevitable.

Something very significant that has been researched is that the abuser and the abused live in two different worlds. The abuser believes he is justified and has a deep need to control so that he won't have to deal with his own feelings of worthlessness. They almost never take responsibility for their actions. The abused believes she somehow deserves this interaction and that someday he'll change.

Common signs of a verbally abusive Mate can be:

1. Constantly irritated
2. Shifts blame onto the victim
3. Always is angry
4. Is very controlling
5. Extremely jealous
6. Has difficulty in expressing emotions or communicating
7. Feels competitive towards partner
8. Manipulative
9. Randomly explodes
10. Exceedingly hostile