How to Determine Rules for Your Children

Children need guidelines for what is and what is not appropriate behavior. How do you determine rules for your child that is specific to your home environment? A well behaved child is more likely to be liked by everyone. Therefore, it is important to establish ground rules for your child, not only so they will be safe but so they will be well liked.

Obedience

The most important ground rule to establish is that a child should not be disobedient. If you told a child to do or not to do something (and he clearly understood when you told him or her this) and they decide to not obey what you told them, then they should receive appropriate punishment. This should happen EVERYTIME they disobey. If you aren't consistent, it isn't fair to the child and it actually can border on child abuse. Therefore, be sure to be consitent and punish the same way every time an event occurs. You can heighten or reduce the punishment as appropriate for the child, but if you choose to heighten the punishment, it is always appropriate for the child to be forewarned. Reducing the punishment is not adviseable if your current discipline is not working.

Many people think that a child should know that they will be punished for each individual act. They believe they need a rule list that looks like this:

Don't Touch the Stereo, If you touch it you will have a time out.

Don't Eat the cookies, if you do you will be grounded for a week.

Make Your Bed. If you don't you will lose your allowance.

Do Your Homework. If you don't you can't play with friends for a week.

Do Not Lie. If you do, you will be grounded for 2 months.

This type of list is confusing for the adult as well as the child. In actuality, the only rule you need on the list as per the above list is:

Obey Your Mother & Father. If you do not, ____________________. (List one appropriate consequence.)

This is consistent and easy to remember for both you and the child. It will not create confusion and it will make all of your lives easier. Sure, you can add an appropriate punishment. If a child spills juice after you asked them not to, they would receive the appropriate consequence above & have to clean it up. If a child writes on the wall, they may receive the punishment above, plus have to sit in their mother's lap during the entire time she cleans it off. However, the first consequence must always be in place and an added consequence may occur as a tie in to their actions. This way if you can't think of a tie in consequence, you and your child will know exactly what will happen as a result of their disobedience.

This method of guiding your child is easy to implement and works effectively when it is consitently enforced.