How to Discuss Your Past Relationships with Your Current Partner

You've just started seeing someone new and everything is going great. You have tons in common, you have fun together, you enjoy the same things. For once you are really happy in a relationship. Of course with every new relationship comes questions, lots of questions. After all the beginning stages of any relationship is about getting to know each other. You begin to share things that you do not share with anyone else and a level of trust is built up. Soon you have gained a confidence in the other person and you feel comfortable sharing just about anything with them. They also have shared just about everything with you, well almost everything. Still there's that nagging little issue in the back of your head that you want to bring up but you do not know how. You realize that this one is not so easy. See, you want to know about their ex, and you know saying that word will cross you into uncharted territory. When if ever is a good time to ask your partner about their ex?

The answer to this question is two-fold. We'll start with why you're inquiring. If curiosity has gotten the best of you, you're likely headed for trouble. What would you be doing with this information anyways? The only logical answer is comparing yourself to your partner's former flame. That certainly won't score you any brownie points. Or would you even go as far as to inquire whether they were in love with this person? All of these are bad ideas and all ways to get yourself in the doghouse early on in the relationship. This kind of behavior screams insecurity and that's nothing anyone wants to see in a partner. If you are asking for any reason where which you can compare the answers to your own relationship, its time to back off. You'll save yourself a lot of trouble if you just stay tight lipped about this one.

The second part of the answer is a little bit trickier. Say you know for a fact that your partner was in an abusive relationship. In order to gain trust you may have to have a conversation about their past. There may be things you need to know about their ex to make you understand them and their behavior. In this case it may be alright to ask questions.If the questions are relevant to your relationship then you can consider asking about your partner's past. Still you should be careful because there may be sensitive issues that are hard to talk about before real trust is built.

Everyone has ex's and we all have to deal with our pasts. Some of us are haunted by them and some of us have managed to chuck them out the window and move on with our lives. That does not mean they don't exist in our memories. We must acknowledge the people that shaped our lives and made us the people we are today. The people who our current partners fell in love with. We all have something to thank our ex's for although we get to choose when and how we talk about them. Our pasts are our pasts for a reason, but our futures are wide open. Instead of dwelling on the relationships your partner had, dwell on the relationship that you are going to have.