How Divorce Can Belittle a Child

There are people in everyone's lives that hurt them at one point or another and don't even realize what they have done. I think this happens often to children in divorce situations. One person leaves the other and the children are left to wonder why it all came about. Was it because of them? Or was it beyond their control entirely?

Being a product of divorce myself I often think about this subject. My parents separated when I was very young. So young in fact that I don't even remember it. For that I'm glad, it's much better that way. Then at the tender age of four both my parents remarried. This I remember.

I was overjoyed. I loved both of my new caretakers. But then about eight years later my father divorced again. I never saw it coming. One weekend I went to his house like normal and she was gone. No phone call, no goodbye letter, nothing. She simply got in her car and drove across the country to be with her dad.

After talking with my older brother we decided the reason she left was because she was unable to have kids with our dad. They had been trying for a year or two and nothing had worked. All of a sudden it hit me, we weren't good enough. I had never felt this way before. My step-dad was my dad, no questions asked. I had two dad, dad number one and dad number two. That's all there was to it. But now, I felt the way I think a lot of children caught up in a divorce feel, like I simply wasn't enough. It was my fault. While I understand now that it wasn't my fault and there was nothing I could have ever done to remedy the situation, for years I wondered what I could have done.

Nowadays I just wonder if she's ever really grasped the concept of how she made us feel. I understand the reason for the divorce and no one is to blame; we found out just a couple months after she left that my dad had terminal testicular cancer, no wonder he couldn't have kids! So I think about these things, now that she has a child of her own and has started a new life, does she ever think about me? Does she regret that she never said goodbye? Does she even know she made me feel like I had done something wrong, like I wasn't enough for her? I wish I had an answer, but maybe I wouldn't like the answer so not knowing might be better. At least there's hope then.

So to anyone out there who are in the process of getting a divorce or who are contemplating a separation I just ask you to think about your children, if you have any. Make sure that whatever happens you protect them first and let them know it has nothing to do with them. Divorce is hard on everyone even when it's absolutely necessary and will be the best for everyone involved, but don't let your children question their own role in it. Let them be children for they're all growing up far too fast anyway.