How Does Domestic Violence Affect Children

When a child is raised and exposed to violent behavior it always has lasting negative effects. Many children will internalize the feelings associated with the violence because it is a way of coping. There is no secret about men who are abusive, and the damage they do to children. What about women, mothers of children, who are violent and abusive? Assessing the effects of domestic violence on children when it involves the woman is extremely important.

Many a women abuse men, and it is usually dealt with as if it is no big deal. Men are stronger so if a woman hits a man he can take it or just walk away. Sadly, in many cases this is not the reality. Mother's who are abusive to the father of their child, or a boyfriend, are causing great damage to their children. It is emotional and mental abuse which often is ignored.

A child as young as two or three will suffer when they see, hear, or watch their mother hitting a man. Even an infant is affected because the yelling, banging, or other sudden sounds will cause internal stress. For the toddler the effects can be detrimental, their growth process can be inhibited. They may not begin speaking at the normal age, they may stutter, potty training may be hindered, and a toddler will begin to act out.

Yelling, screaming, and hitting become forms of expression. Although, hitting is a normal part of the growing process for toddlers it will become problematic because the child is learning to use these methods to control a situation. Most toddlers hit when they want a toy, but when a child starts hitting when they are angry because they cannot get their way, or if their feelings are hurt, this is a serious problem.

Women who hit men because they are angry usually do it because the man they are with does not react by hitting back, and the woman feels in control. Domestic violence, and abuse is always about control.

When a mother begins screaming at their child's father, or her boyfriend, then lashes out and slaps or scratches him she is sending a very dangerous message. Why?

Because little girls will either grow up to resent their mother, and become defiant; which leads a lot of woman to abuse the child. Or even worse, her daughter will grow up believing that hitting a man is safe and acceptable because daddy, or the boyfriend, never hit mommy. But what happens if that little girl, who is now grown, emulates her mother's bad behavior with a man who does react?

The abusive mother may never realize the effects of her behavior until years later, and she may never accept responsibility for her actions. But if her daughter ends up in the hospital or dead she, the mother, is partially to blame because during all those years of being abusive to men she taught her child to be abusive. The daughter who has learned to resolve issues or arguments by using abuse has become an abusive woman, but she has been brutally abused by a man who did not take it.

Woman need to understand that abusing a man is wrong, and dangerous. She may win her fights, and not be abused herself, but if she has a daughter she is jeopardizing her child's future and safety.

What about a son watching his mother abuse a man? She may be teaching him to accept letting a woman hit him, or even worse causing him to build up a hatred for woman that hit men. What happens when her son grows up? Many a men who do not hit back eventually snap when being abused continuously by a woman. And if the son has a built up resentment because of his mother's abuse towards men he may become an abuser. Woman who abuse men are endangering their children whether they are boys or girls.

Domestic violence causes many kids and teens turn to drugs in an effort to cope with the feelings buried deep within. Some children grow up depressed, or overly aggressive because of pent up anger. The effects are many.

Children at every age are affected by domestic violence, and as mentioned earlier men who are abusive has been addressed over the years. There are many resources for women, but very little help is available for men.

This needs to change because woman usually are the ones who end up raising the children, and if they are violent and abusive they are contributing to the continuing cycle of domestic violence that has destroyed many lives. When assessing the effects of domestic violence on children we must address abusive women and mothers. Woman need to accept responsibility for the damage they cause.

Hitting, yelling and resorting to physical abuse is not something that children simply forget about, it destroys them, and hinders their growth process. A child is always affected by domestic violence regardless of who the abusive person is, be it a man or woman.

Mother's and women who batter men must be taken seriously. Are you a woman who slaps, scratches, yells, and screams when you are angry? If so, you are abusive, but you can change your behavior if you get help. Remember, domestic violence and abusive behavior is about control. Two key components are the need to control and the lack of self-control. Woman stop the violence you are hurting your children.