How to Dress a Dog - Regional Preferences in Toppings for Your Hot Dog

As I noted in a previous article in this space, there are vast regional variances in terminology for soft drinks, Coke, soda, pop, or, in my former small corner of Massachusetts, tonic. By the same token, those of us who grew up in different parts of this country have strongly held views on what to put on top of the hot dog. I look askance at the folks from Chicago who put a slice of tomato on a perfectly fine chemical-laden hot dog. While I truly do not understand, I am certain that folks in the mid-west would question my sprinkling celery salt on top of the hot dog.

First of all, let us examine the "holder" for the hot dog. Virtually no one over the age of two eats a hot dog by holding it in the hand. No, it goes into a roll. Ever here, there are variations.

The hot dog bun must be sliced to accommodate the hot dog. Sounds obvious, but the location of the "slice" is very important. In Massachusetts, where I grew up, and generally in the north-eastern part of the country, buns are sliced along the top; in other parts of the country, the roll is sliced along the side. The former style allows a flat side of the bun to be placed on a griddle and, what else, grilled. Moreover, Massachusetts hot dogs (and clam rolls) are served in a three-sided paper sleeve.. That is another variation -- my goodness this gets complex. In New England, usually, the bun is grilled while in the mid-west, the buns are steamed and soft. But this is prologue.

This will not be a treatise on the varieties of hot dogs. Suffice it to say, there are as many kinds of hot dogs as there are manufacturers. I may explore different kinds of hot dogs in a later article, although I personally find those available in New Jersey are the best in the world. My motto is, after all, Always Positive, Sometimes Right. If one wishes to get into often heated debate with regard to hot dogs, go to the Forum at.roadfood.com and check out the discussions on the subject.

But this is a discussion of hot dog toppings.

The survey at Wanderlist is not fully comprehensive, but it serves as a starting point. About 8,300 votes have been cast to date. In order of popularity, the results were: mustard, onions, ketchup (What? It is a felony in most states for anyone over the age of 9 to put ketchup on a perfectly fine hot dog; invasions of foreign nations have been started for lesser cause! I have it on good authority that Saddam Hussein put ketchup on a hot dog and the WMD rationale by Mr. Bush was only a pretext.), cheese, relish, mayonnaise (I don't believe it). bacon, olives, sauerkraut, pickles and celery salt. In parts of New York City, hot dogs are topped with a thin beanless chili and cooked onions, preferably after sitting in a steamer for a day or two.

I have lived in various parts of this great nation and love hot dogs. They are America's Food. My first recollection of a hot dog was when my father drove to a stand outside of Haverhill, Massachusetts. I think the name of the place was "Hales" but I cannot swear to that. In any event, the Boston-New England hot dog was - and is still - boiled, set into a top-cut grilled bun and topped with mustard, sweet relish and chopped raw onions. At the very top of this pile was sprinkled celery salt. Growing up, whenever we went to Fenway Park to watch the Red Sox, the same hot dog was there. I learned later that the preference in the north-east was for a skinless all-beef hot dog but these distinctions were beyond me at the time.

My wife, Joan, about whom I have written previously, grew up on the New Jersey Shore, Asbury Park, Long Branch, and so forth. In that part of the country, the preference is for a natural-casing beef-pork combination, grilled until it splits with a satisfying "pop" and "sizzle". The hot dogs from Northern New Jersey are, in my always humble opinion, the best in the galaxy. When I die and, assuming I am destined for a pleasant after-life, I want to stop on the way at Max's or the Windmill and have a couple of the quarter- pound hot dogs. I will slather on a spicy brown mustard, sauerkraut and spicy relish and, with cold beer in hand, prepare myself for Paradise.

Parts of New Jersey offer deep fat fried hot dogs which I have never tried, but have been told are delicious. These are served wrapped in bacon. Take that, you arteries. Chicago folks add slices of tomato, possibly to counteract the stuff in the hot dog itself. In California, some people add melted cheese and in Texas, what else, chili, real chili.

The National Hot Dog and Sausage Council, after all the definitive source of all things hot dog, offers instructions on the order in which toppings are to be placed on the hot dog. I defer to that organization's expertise. According to the professionals, the hot dog is placed in the bun before any toppings. Then comes mustard, relish and any fry ingredients, followed by the wet stuff, chili, steamed onions, melted cheese.

Just in case the reader of this opus feels that hot dog toppings are devoid of political and sociological meaning and significance, consider the report in the Savannah Morning News that George Bush (# 43) preferred mustard and relish on his hot dog. Moreover, a National Hotdog Council survey of U.S. Representatives and Senators in 2000 found a deep split in topping preferences along party lines, with 73 percent of Republican lawmakers choosing mustard, compared with 47 percent of Democrat lawmakers. Thirty five per cent of the Democrats admitted to liking ketchup. I personally feel that survey to be flawed and demand a recount. Since we have experience in that sort of thing, I would suggest that the Secretary if State of Florida undertake that task.

Excuse me, I'm off to the fridge for a beer.