1- Buy two fake rocks that they sell in dollar stores to hide your keys. Every burglar worth his salt knows exactly what these look like. Put one in your garden near your front door and the second in your yard near your back door. However, get two keys from a secondhand shop which absolutely won't fit any of your locks. Put these keys in the hide-key-rocks. The burglar will spend a fairly long time trying to open your door with the key. They will get frustrated and go to all the doors, garages and sliding glass doors around your house just trying these keys. In his travels he may find the second bogus rock and get even more frustrated and waste more time. Remember the longer you delay the burglar outside the more likely he will be spotted or just leave out of frustration.
2- Buy a set of those fake looking books which are made to hide your valuables such as cash or jewelry. They open up like a box and they are also well know and easily spotted by your neighborhood burglar. Put the fake book next to the other books in your library. However, instead of cash or valuables, put in an old, worthless paper back novel. One with an ironic name such as "The Treasure Of The Sierra Madres" would be most appropriate. Imagine the frustration with finding a valueless paperback book only inside these hiding spaces.
3- Fake foods, which contain compartments for hiding valuables, is made to store in your refrigerator. Fill these up with actual food. Use a particularly moldy, smelly item to hide in them. Burglars know about these as well and will be totally on the lookout for them if they break into your home. At this point the felon will be totally frustrated and on the verge of a nervous breakdown but will need at least one more degree of frustration to push him over the edge.
4- Fake wall safes are sold in some novelty stores or on the Internet. This will waste a lot of your burglar's time and energy. When they open up the safe, there is nothing but wall behind it. Put this safe behind a picture but leave the picture askew since this will make the burglar notice it.
5- Other bogus hiding places are false electric sockets, cans with only pebbles in it and of course a jewelry case on your dresser filled with junk jewelry and monopoly money. By this time the burglar may beg to be arrested.
6- One more thing, keep your real valuables in a safe deposit box. You don't want to leave hundreds or thousands of dollars worth of valuables in your home if you don't use it on a regular basis. It will be totally safe there and easily accessible.
Now that you have your house protected and your valuables out of harms way, all you have to do is wait and see if your little deceptions will ever be put to the test. Hopefully this will never happen but if it does you are covered.
Of course a good burglar alarm system though expensive is a much better option if you can afford it. Get they type which have mobile security units and also includes a fire alarm and carbon monoxide alarm as well.
Published by Stephen Joltin
I am a problem solver with 18+ years of Higher Education Credentials, last employed as the Information Systems Manager at Montgomery College in Maryland and a member of the Maryland Community College Data Pr... View profile
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28 Comments
Post a CommentI love these!
I can picture a burgler outside your house going through all this. That would be a great video.
Fantastic article! I really got a kick out of this one.
heh heh
Loved this!!! I really need to put some of these ideas to work.
I loved it steve, great humor piece
Hilarious!
Too funny! This was a thoroughly enjoyable read :-)
THis is hilarious. Great article.
LOL great article. the only ones I knew about were the fake rocks and books. I haven't heard of fake foods before. LOL thank god I don't have to worry about burglars, I have 3 dogs that frighten most people away from my front door when they get to barking.