How to Eat Apples

There are many different ways to eat apples. The way that most people do it is by taking the apple in one hand, usually the right hand. Take a good hard look at the apple while holding it, this is the period known as "observing". Does the apple look good and healthy? If there are no holes, worms, or signs of herpes you may just have a delicious apple sitting in your hand. If your apple has one or more of the above atrocities look for a good solid brick wall in order to remove them. Brick walls are very useful for making apple sauce, however the brick tends to add a rather strange flavour, it almost tastes like homeless people. Homeless people on the most part don't eat apples, this is a shame and more than likely part of the reason they are homeless. For more information on homeless people please read my articles on the homeless.

Cutting apples into different sizes is my favourite way of eating them. I like to just cut the apple into 5 or 6 pieces and then put some cinnamon on it. That is absolutely delicious and as long as you don't remove your fingers while cutting the apple it is a very enjoyable process. I recommend against teaching your children how to do this though as they are likely not smart enough to hold a knife properly and will be outcasts at school when they go in with 2 fingers on each hand.

Baking apples is another great way to eat them. Baked apples get all mooshy and delicious. One time I had an apple pie that was baked so perfectly that when I ate it, I drooled all over myself. This was likely caused by the good flavour, others say it's due to the fact that I had some dental work done that day and my mouth was still frozen. The important thing here though is that it tasted good.

Apples make great juice as well as pretty much everyone knows. In order to make apple juice all you have to do is find a big fat apple, the biggest fattest one you can find. Take it into the basement and tell him that his family hates him and that they never wanted him. You will immediately see that the apple will begin to cry. The tears from the apple can then be collected in a glass.

This concludes the different ways to eat apples.