How to Eat a Chocolate Liquer

This Christmas I had a revelation. Quite appropriate, I know, to have such a thing at the time of a religious festival, but my revelation was of a different kind altogether to those of Saint John in the final chapter of the good book. I was not in an ecstatic ferver of religious devotion at the time. I was not 'in the spirit', or at least not in the Christian mystical sense, and there were no angelic fanfares to accompany my revelation, though there was a rather nice cup of tea, which was a fine accompaniment as far as I was concerned. My personal revelation was altogether more earthly and was, in fact, chocolate based.

Chocolate liquers, those little chocolate nibbles filled with alcohol, are one of those gifts which I get every year, and have done ever since I turned 18 and members of my extended family seemed to decide that my gifts should be predominately alcohol based, with chocolate coming a close second.

Up until now I have never been particularly fond of thes things. I have always eaten them, and always gained some meagre measure of enjoyment out of doing so, but they have always been one of those things about which I would say 'I could take them or leave them'. I would certainly never go out of my way to acquire them, or pay any money for them for that matter. The thing is I have never been a big fan of neat spirits, and particularly not the kind of dark spirits like whisky and brandy that so often find their way into these kind of things.

But this was all before my palate shattering revelation. Now I absoutley love them. The difference is so marked I am amazed that the manufacturers don't print eating instructions on the packets. But as they don't, I decided to write this article for the education of my fellow man. So here are my instructions about how to eat such delectable after dinner treats for gaining maximum pleasure:

Firstly never, and I repeat, never bite as soon as you put them into your mouth. That is exactly what I was long accustomed to do, but biting is the connoisseur's greatest sin. One must, in fact, not bite them at all. You should hold the chocolate in your mouth and suck it gently, warming it with as much delicate care as a mother hen sitting on her eggs, until the chocolate melts. Upon the glorious innevability of the outer shell breaking and hatching out it's liquid prize, it is absolutely imperative that one resists the powerful temptation to swallow. This is the crux of the technique, in a most literal sense, as one's mouth becomes a crucible for the comingling of the essences of chocolate and spirit. Only once they are thoroughly mixed in your mouth should you allow the mixture to slide gently down your throut.

I think you will agree that the resultant sensations are more than ample reward for the requisite patience.