How to Effectively Discuss Your Child's Behavior Problems at School or Daycare

It is difficult to keep yourself calm and rational when discussing your child's behavior problems with their school or daycare but it is necessary to resolve the problem.

As parents with school age children we all dread the phone call from the school's principal or daycare supervisor with a report of some incident of bad behavior. Our instant reaction is usually to defend our child and get angry at the accusation. This is not the way to resolve the problem however. Take a deep breath and calm yourself. You need to be able to think clearly to begin any discussion of this nature. Once you have settled yourself you are ready to approach the problem rationally.

First and foremost talk to your child. Try to get them to explain the incident and what may have led up to it. Remember that even if the child is completely honest with you this is still not the whole story. Every story has at least two sides and you will need to get more information before you can form an accurate opinion as to what happened.

After talking to your child it is time to discuss the incident with the teacher. Approach this conversation as a fact finding mission and try not to form any opinions until you have all the information. Coming to the meeting with a preconceived notion and or approaching the teacher aggressively will not accomplish anything. No one likes to be confronted angrily and this m ay cause the teacher to get defensive. If he or she feels they need to defend their own actions to you then they are not likely to be in the frame of mind to really try to work the problem out.

Make sure to stay focused on the issue at hand and not make it about individuals or personalities. Do not talk in broad generalities by using words like always or never.

Be sure to acknowledge that your child may be at least partially responsible for what happened. As they say, it takes two to tango, and it is very unlikely that your child had no involvement. Also try to remember that if the incident involved another child it is possible that those parents are just as sure of their child's innocence as you are of yours.

Once a course of action has been decided on be sure to follow up. Discuss the incident and the solution with your child. Ask them if the solution you and his teacher came up with is helping to resolve the issue. If you and your child are satisfied with the improvement then be sure to talk to the school again to let them know that you appreciate their help in the matter. If the problem still persists then you will need to start the process al l over again with the principal or someone higher up the management ladder.