How an Embarrassing First Date Taught Me to Protect Myself

When I was nineteen and working in the Boeing factory as a Decalmaker, three other girls about my age and I would cross over the assembly line past the welders to get to the lunch cart and buy lunch. We weren't beautifully dressed or anything; as silk screeners and chemical etchers, our jeans were covered with paint and holes and likewise our tee shirts, while plaid flannel shirts kept you warm through the unheated times during winter when the steam generated heaters would sometimes break. So, when a guy started smiling and watching as I walked past, I figured he liked me and wasn't really surprised to find him asking me out on a first date.

Is Providing Your Home Address a Good Policy on a First Date?

I had planned to move into an apartment with one of the other girls and when she backed out at the last minute to move in with her boyfriend, she left me in a lurch for finding an apartment, so I took one fifteen miles further to commute and further from my parents by myself. I gave the guy my address and that Saturday he showed up at 11:00 for our first date. I didn't think about the danger of being alone when its a first date.

Not Knowing the "Date Plan" On A First Date Can Be Really Awkward

Well, this guy acted like a brother or such and said, "I'll take you to Snoqualmie Falls." This is a beautiful place in the Seattle area, with a resort, and a fast food restaurant and near the woods for hiking and regular spot for tourists to visit. So, since it was lunch time, I sort of assumed we'd get something to eat and dressed nice and fairly warm since it was a cool spring.

So, you can imagine my surprise when he shows up dressed in wrinkled gym shorts, loafers with no socks and a tee shirt and not even like he'd showered. It sounds silly to be embarrassed by the thought of accompanying the guy dressed like that, but I was dressed for a first date with lunch at a restaurant and he looked like he'd just left the gym. So I decided I had better change into shorts and look more suited for the weather, but to do that I had to leave him in the apartment with me while I was dressing. Either way I was embarrassed on this first date.

Guys Should Let Girls Know Their Interests on a First Date

After that, we drove to Snoqualmie Falls and he said "there it is" and shrugged his shoulders and said, "now what do you want to do?"

I was surprised because he was taking me someplace and didn't have any interests in doing even what he said he wanted to do.

I asked him, "don't you even want to walk down and get a closer look?" He agreed but then complained about sliding in his loafers and an hour later we were in his car headed back down the freeway. He mentioned a couple places we could stop, but then never said what he wanted, and eventually told me something about his family and how his dad had built their home and asked to show me it.

Can Casual Behavior Look Like a Lack of Respect On a First Date?

At his home, we walked into the house and his mother was in the kitchen and said hi to me. I stopped to talk, but he kept heading through on his way to his bedroom. His mom said, "Aren't you even going to introduce us?" while I stood blushing. He eventually came back and said "This is my mom, this is Sheri" never once looking at either of us and then walked out again. I chatted for a few minutes then followed, somewhat horrified.

Bad Relationship Vibes on A First Date Isn't Good

At his room, we found a mess of dirty clothes. I learned something about his interests, he'd bought an expensive instrument but was still living at home at 29 despite a good paying job. His next conversation was about his brother who treated his girl friend bad, sometimes hit her and how this guy always tried to protect her and help her out.

Time to Leave When the Warning Signs Escalate on a First Date

For me, that was the last straw with the guy. His eyes lit up while he talked about his brother and it stayed on his mind, the conversation returning to it again and again. So I said, I have to go home, and go shopping at the mall for Mother's Day.

He wanted to take me there. I said no, he argued, and I eventually insisted on home. We rode back in near silence to my apartment, except for when we bypassed the road to my parents. I pointed it out, since he'd told me so much about his family. He said, "So what?"

I said "Well, we went to your house, I just thought you'd like to know where I grew up."

He shook his head and said, "No, not really."

What Rescued Me From this Embarrassing First Date

At my apartment, he followed me back and insisted on the requisite kiss and all the while I'm thinking ugg, I got to get away from this guy. Luckily, my mom called, and though I was embarrassed by his presence and her call I was able to say I'd be right over. She received a not-so nice Mother's Day gift but I figured that I saved her from a awful son-in-law.

Not The End of Bad News After an Embarrassing First Date

So, next day when I returned home from work, there's a box of candy and a love note. I couldn't believe it. He kept chasing and I eventually quit eating at the lunch cart and even switched to second-shift to avoid him since I began noticing he always wore the same shirt every day. He eventually figured it out after he switched to second shift, too, and I wouldn't date him again.

What Went Wrong and What I Changed About My Behavior on First Dates

For one, I never again gave my address to a first date, I always met them somewhere. I also got better at saying, sorry, thanks but no thanks. I also never agreed to a first date that involved a movie, just food, or if the guy couldn't say what he wanted. Make sure someone knows where you are going on a first date and bring along a cell phone.

What did the guy do wrong? He didn't treat me like a person. If I was one of the guys, he would have known what he wanted. What seemed clear to me about the date was all he wanted was sex-too many bedrooms and that real questionable attitude about beating women, no desire to look his best, no respect for family or opinions or conversation or what I said I wanted. I was scared and didn't have a stitch of fun.